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What Women Want in Men

12 December 2006 | 0:45 | Assertive Skills, Attraction, Confidence, Interpersonal Relationships | 30 Comments
What Women Want in Men

While I cannot speak for women nor can a woman speak for all women, there are characteristics the majority of women want in a man. I’ve read several books, subscribed to attraction newsletters, talked to attraction experts, talked to women about what they want in a man, tested techniques, and have observed many scenarios comparing and contrasting variables men display in their interaction with women to develop a set of characteristics men can develop to build their attractiveness towards women.

Additionally, I’ve heard and seen a lot of wrong advice on this subject from so-called experts. In fact, a great deal of this “expert advice” is heavily diffused into society beliefs and norms. Many guys have been wrongly conditioned as to what women really want. I don’t blame them. Attraction is a really confusing subject.

Some women have “screwed up” men’s minds as to what women want because these women think they have all the answers. They think “I’m a women so I know what I and other women want.” Most women don’t have a clue as to what they truly want in a man or they think what they feel must be the same for all women. So listen up young Jedi apprentice.

What I’m going to teach will probably shock you.

I can guarantee you other communication skills teachers would definitely not tell you what I’m about to say. That’s because most of these teachers do not understand how attraction with women works. These teachers will not tell you these skills because they are pretty much counter-intuitive to what “good communication” is. I was once the same.

Also, do not think attracting a lady isn’t applicable to you. If you are in a relationship, this advice will help you almost as much as a single guy who is looking for a partner. Anytime you can get a woman feeling more attracted too you like over the phone, in a business deal, or placing an order at a restaurant, you will get more out of the situation than if she wasn’t slightly attracted.

Women are Mixed-Up

Women saying one thing and meaning another thing is a whole other article itself yet I’ll briefly explain it to give you an understanding as to what women say they want is often not what they really want.

I agree that women are strange :). Half of what they say has exactly the opposite meaning. This is where the main problem I’ll discuss more later on about being nice to lady comes in.

I use to think, you probably think, and a high percentage of guys think, that you have to compliment a lady, give gifts, buy her flowers, and basically earn her affection. The technique may work for a little while but you won’t have the powerful attraction otherwise possible by not being a nice guy and it will leave you broke ;).

Attraction is a confusing subject. Guys and women often cannot explain why they are attracted to someone. Attraction isn’t a logical decision. A woman does not make the logical decision to be with a guy because he is nice to her with his compliments, presents, and gifts. Women and men make emotional decisions on who they want to have relationships with.

For women, they often say they like guys with humor, which I and attraction experts believe is true, but it isn’t the whole story. A woman can say she likes a guy with a sense of humor but a good sense of humor alone isn’t enough. Ladies aren’t crawling all over comedians. What they often find attractive is a guy who is cocky and has a sense of humor. Being cocky and funny when combined with unstoppable confidence is usually enough to get a woman because this presses all her right buttons. There really isn’t anything that can get a woman turned on faster than a cocky and funny guy.

Physical Looks

The strongest belief I need to firstly destroy is that women want a physically attractive man. A guy’s attractiveness towards women is far more about personality than physical looks. If you don’t believe me, go out to where hot women are and you’ll see average and sometimes ugly looking men having women begging for their attention. I’ve heard countless stories of guys aged over 40, bald, short, and even over 350 pounds, who are dating women rated 10 on a scale of 1 to 10.

Additionally, I’ve heard good looking guys have hopeless results in attracting women. Physical looks can get a lady’s initial interest, but it isn’t what builds attraction. You may be wondering why tall, good-looking, rich guys are associated with hot women. The fact is these guys have other characteristics that attract women. They emit confidence, are challenging, and show other alpha male qualities which you’ll learn more about later on. If you still don’t believe me, you are what I call a “theorist”. You theorize on what you think works and doesn’t work based on your limited beliefs. I am 100% certain that what I’m talking about here is what women want. Put your limiting beliefs from what you have been conditioned to believe aside and discover what women truly want.

How you communicate to a lady, the signals you emit such as confidence and assertiveness, and not your physical looks determines how attracted a lady is to you.

…how you communicate to a lady…and not your physical looks determines how attracted a lady is to you.

Of course, there are women who will only accept a man based on his looks. Do not worry about these few women. They have an extremely shallow personality created from low self-esteem and other self-related problems. You do not want to be with someone who is so superficial. These women probably make up about 2% of females and even these characteristics listed here are what they want. It is just that these shallow women must have a guy with good looks to fulfill self-related problems. Such shallow women are never satisfied in any relationship as the void exists within and not in their partner.

Physical looks are important but not as important as society norms perceive them to be. There is a level of physical attraction that can hold you back like poor hygiene, awful attire, and annoying habits. It’s likely these characteristics will only hold you back when one is below the lady’s expected level. As an example, repulsive breath is enough to turn off any woman.

You still want to be as physically attractive as possible. Every guy should dress in a way that compliments their figure and is good for the situation. Ask your friends as to what they think you could change to improve your physical attractiveness to women. Even better, ask a female friend what they think you could change. Most women will be more then happy to fix you up. There is nothing like getting a women’s perspective on how you can better your physical looks. Let them know you are very open to hearing anything and welcoming of criticism so they do not hold back advice in fear of hurting you.

Mouth hygiene is an important physical issue you need to have working for you and not against you. Brush your teeth in the morning and night. Also brush the roof of your mouth and tongue to ensure your breathe does not smell like a garbage dump. Floss at least once a week to remove food stuck in between your teeth. Furthermore, you can rinse your mouth regularly with water, gargle salt water, and use a mouth rinse. Do as much as you can to prevent the build-up of bacteria which creates smelly breathe.

Another thing you must do to work with what physical looks you have is building your muscle definition and doing cardiovascular workouts 2-3 times a week. You don’t need to look like Mr. Olympia to benefit from working out. Being more muscularly defined emits confidence, dominance, and improves your well-being and self-esteem. These are all characteristics women desperately want in a man. The cardiovascular workouts will develop your endurance throughout the day, better your happiness, improve self-perceptions, and allow you to maintain an energetic personality. Working out will give you amazing psychological benefits that go well beyond characteristics favored by women. You can overcome personal insecurities and live a happier life by working out regularly.

Now that you understand the greatest illusion of women feeling attracted is excellent physical looks and that you’ve got the most important physical attributes under control and working for you in building attraction towards women, it’s time to look at more characteristics you can develop that women want.

Alpha Males

In the animal kingdom, an alpha male is followed by a number of its own species within a given geographical location. It is the dominant animal of the group. An animal that possesses an alpha status breeds abundantly. An alpha animal does have responsibilities. The animal must successfully fight challengers to keep its alpha status otherwise it can become an outcast or even die.

In the human world, alpha males get what they want. They overrule many males who are fearful, do not stand-up for themselves, or lack self-esteem. Like the animal kingdom, they are challenged by other males who are after an alpha status. Fortunately, death isn’t associated with these challenges. However, being challenged can make or break you. Women don’t want jerks who try to physically take down any guy who may get in the way of his relationships. You’ve probably seen these jealous boyfriends in clubs who try to act all “macho” by being overprotective. A true alpha male is able to walk-away from ego-headed jerks who may try to pick a fight and comes out of the situation stronger then before because of his confidence.

The alpha male uses humor, confidence, shows he is comfortable with himself, and doesn’t require other’s approval.

Jerks are aggressive, easily intimidated, pig-headed individuals who use physical intimidation to temporarily avoid challenges from other guys while nice guys will lose out altogether in sucking up to a woman. Males that women are extremely attracted to are able to build more attraction from the challenge. The true alpha male uses humor, confidence, shows he is comfortable with himself, and doesn’t require other’s approval.

A few other interesting characteristics of the alpha male also link back to the animal world. Alpha males are territorial. If someone threatening invades their space they will defend themselves or leave the location. Alpha males are protective. He doesn’t fight to prove his toughness but he will protect those he cares for.

What I recommend you learn from this is to set a goal of developing alpha male qualities. An alpha male is confident, possesses strong self-beliefs, and has power in the relationships. Alpha males are assertive, take lead, know what they want, and have integrity.

Women Hate Nice Guys

Women do not want what attraction expert David DeAngelo terms a “wussy” or “nice-guy”. A man who is “wussy” is an omega male. He is not confident, has no power, and is too compensatory with women. He is dominated by females and other males. It’s almost the complete opposite to an alpha male.

An extremely high percentage of males are “wussies” because society conditions us to be nice to strangers. Good communication is being nice to people. However, this doesn’t cut it in building attraction. This is a real shocker as it is almost completely counter-intuitive to traditional communication skills where you’re supposed to be nice to people. It is an area where other communication teachers fail in. They teach based on theory and what they think works and not what truly works.

I began to see how powerful it is by seeing it in others and using the techniques myself. It really does work.

Being a nice guy does not work. You do not need to be a jerk but you can’t be “nice”. By not being a “wussy” women actually love you for it, especially the better looking ladies. If you disagree with me, then you haven’t practiced these techniques and you would definitely be struggling with attracting women. Ask any lady who is frequently approached by guys. They will tell you how boring and easy they are. They hate wussies. A wussy guy is not challenging, too predictable, and is boring. I can imagine the women reading this nodding their heads in complete agreement.

A guy who is termed “nice” or “wussy” attempts to buy a woman’s attraction. He purchases gifts and dinners in an effort to make her like him. Most women are very happy to receive these gifts but only as means of receiving what they want. They see the guy who buys affection as a provider and not someone they are physically attracted to. A woman’s attraction cannot be brought.

Similarly, when a couple is going out to a movie or dinner, the alpha male takes lead. He chooses a movie or place to have dinner with his lady’s preference in consideration. He does not say “I’m happy with whatever you want” or “I don’t care where we go”. It relates back to taking control and having power within the relationship.

Attraction isn’t a logical process.

Attraction isn’t decided.

Attraction isn’t a choice.

If you’re still hanging onto your nice boy characteristics around women because you believe they are better than these alpha male attributes, then my advice is you need to stop acting stubborn with what you think is right and listen up to what actually works.

The Hidden Qualities Women Love in Men

A man women love is comfortable no matter what. When a situation is against him, he is able to come out stronger. He does not require women’s or other guy’s approval. He has integrity and never diverts from it. He does not do everything a women wants thus leading her to have all the power. He challenges her thoughts and behaviors as not being good enough for him. He balances cockiness with humor. He is able to tease, be funny about it, and build attraction.

Balancing the cockiness with humor is something called “cocky and funny”. This shows your confidence and high value using humor, two extremely attractive qualities to a lady.

An example of cocky and funny can be picking something up unusual about her and busting her for it. Say she is going out to a party, you haven’t been invited, and she has a somewhat large bag (it doesn’t have to be really large). You can bust on her by saying “That bag is huge. Do you have a bomb in there and am going to blow up the party or something? I’m glad I’m not going.”

This example is funny, gives you the power, and you show her you do not need her approval. It won’t make her come chasing after you but it’s what you need to constantly keep doing to build attraction.

The other day a lady complimented me on how good I looked (I’m not actually that good looking. It’s just that I was teasing her and the only response she would have known to feeling attraction is to be nice). What a wuss would have done is reciprocated the compliment by telling her something good about herself or he would have just said “thankyou” and let the situation fizzle down. I knew this was an opportunity to keep building her tension. I looked at her in a calm manner, said “Thank you. I always do.” and made my eyes trace down her body. I saw her shoes which were these strappy things with small heels. What I did was than told her she could at least wear better shoes to keep up with my standards, “Did you make those shoes this morning with strings and some bamboo?” She laughed, loved it, and I loved it. It was confident, appropriate, cocky, and funny.

Another confusing area on what women want in men is chivalry which refers to courteous behaviors towards women. Chivalry has never been and never will be dead. It is the context of which chivalry is used that determines its effectiveness. A powerful magnetic attraction is only made when strong behaviors that have been discussed in this article are used in combination with chivalrous behavior like:

  • Opening doors for women.
  • Walking on the footpath closest to the road.
  • Pulling out a chair for your lady to sit on.
  • Buying her a meal not to impress her or to take her out, but because you are eating there in the first place regardless of her accepting your invitation.

Chivalry behavior is not as effective and may even be negative when the man who is chivalrous is also a girly-man who sucks up to women. Having chivalrous behavior in addition to the other characteristics of a manly-man discussed in this article are hidden magnetic qualities women love in men.

Back to other nice-guy qualities that women hate. A nice-guy runs after women. He seeks approval begging like a little puppy for attention. As a strong word of advice, if you are chasing a woman you are not being chased by her. You demonstrate neediness and approval by chasing. When you realize this and take control of the overall meta-frame (the meaning of the interaction) she then actually begins to chase you. Controlling the meta-frame demonstrates your power, internal comfort, confidence, and no need for approval, all characteristics women are begging for in a man.

Do not be a traditional nice guy. Keep your power in your relationship. Lose the need to control her. Become cocky and funny. This will most likely make her attached, needy, and wanting your approval. Who would have thought?

Women desperately want guys with these characteristics and especially the more popular and hot women who are flooded with nice-guys. These ladies always get nice-guys coming up and complimenting them on how beautiful they are. If you talk to a lady who has guys coming up to her a few times each week, I can guarantee you she is sick of it, hates guys who are intimidated of her, and guys who are a “walk-over”.

What About Just Being Me?

Ah. “What about just being me?” The words of a wussy who doesn’t want to leave his comfort zone.

“Just be your natural self” is another piece of awful advice dating and communication teachers tell people. In fact, being your natural self in many areas of life will get you into trouble. I know people don’t like hearing that, but regardless, we must always fight our natural tendencies to progress forward and become who we want to be. If you were always just yourself, then you wouldn’t grow to become anyone greater. You’d be stuck in your old bad habits.

By practicing these skills, you internalize them and only then does it become your natural self.

By developing my “attraction skills” and learning to trigger attraction in women that I wouldn’t have otherwise done, I’m not being my natural self. By practicing these skills, you internalize them and only then does it become your natural self. The difference is, now your natural self is what women want.

Being yourself is not a right. You do not have the right to be yourself. Being yourself is a privledge you must earn by constantly working on yourself and becoming a better man.

What I have discussed here is based upon what works with attracting women. To learn more on developing these techniques I’ve discussed in this article, I recommended you at least signup to attraction expert David DeAngelo’s newsletter here. Go to David DeAngelo’s website, signup, and purchase his ebook if you are really serious about attracting women. He has been learning this stuff for almost ten years ever since he struggled with women by being a nice guy himself.

What a Woman Wants in a Man

I’m subscribed to his attraction material myself and have personally read through his materials. He’s taught me a tonne of stuff about attraction in ladies. I cannot recommend his ebook any higher.

You may not want to attract women but his ebook and teachings are just applicable to keeping a woman in your current relationship happy and attracted to you. By sparking attraction within her, she will experience feelings like never before, have stronger attraction towards you, and will have more exciting experiences with you.

Know how to communicate what women want and they will give you what you want on a silver platter. Sign-up to his newsletter by clicking here then you can purchase his book immediately after signing up, be reading it within minutes, and have women wanting you.

If you learned something useful from this article, please share the article with your friends, family, coworkers, and others by clicking: . You can also signup to my newsletter for more great information.

I'm creator of a highly praised program called "Communication Secrets of Powerful People" program. You can read about it here and order it here.

30 Responses to “What Women Want in Men”

12 Dec 2006, 12:08 pm

I am so confused about my nature, the thing I believe in is that confidence is a sum of various things, appearence, strong body, intelligence, culture and succeeding in scientific and social life. I feel confidence when seeing others admire me. Now I do not confident of my self so may be after taking PhD I will feel better when people gives me impression that I succeeded, also, when I achieve some progress by publishing some papers….
Thanks and reagrds…

13 Dec 2006, 2:09 am

Hi Ibrahim,
I disagree with the definition of confidence you have got. I strongly believe that confidence is what one believes in and stand for it in both highs and lows. In terms of men, confidence is not your appearance but wisdom. I think you feel confidence when people admire you is because you are dependent on others for your success. I personally see no need for any human to do so and success is what you deserve and demand your worth.

Kind regards

Joshua Uebergang
13 Dec 2006, 9:52 pm

I believe Ibrahim and Owais, you both have brought up very interesting areas of confidence.

Self-confidence is a combination of many things. It is dependant on appearance, success, emotions, etc.

Confidence is standing for what is right, but in an everyday interaction environment, this is an area of confidence that often does not worry too many people. A lack of confidence is often associated with feeling diminished, unworthy, and not what is right or wrong.

Ibrahim, put blantly, I think you care too much what others think. You might derive your confidence and success all from what others think of you. Learn to detach yourself from others. If they have nothing you need or are not witholding something from you, then you’ve got no need to mentally attach yourself to them.

david parker
10 Feb 2007, 1:31 pm

how can i get a hard copy of the book

Joshua Uebergang
11 Feb 2007, 2:33 pm

From what I know David, David D doesn’t have the book in hard copy. An option is to print the digital book.

13 Feb 2007, 7:04 am

I thought you might like a woman’s word. While I will say that yes, about 98% of the info in the article is correct, I have a few disagreements.

First of all, a woman likes a guy who is cocky, and who will take and give as good as he gets. BUT, she also likes when he can turn around and be a perfect gentleman, can dry her tears, and yes, even be a nice guy for a few minutes when life is not going her way.

Second, alpha males are good, but let me emphasize what was mentioned: DO NOT act like a jerk, going off on other people for not getting your way all the time.

And sometimes, men do need to ask the woman where she wants to eat. Women like to feel that they have some influence in the relationship sometimes, so let her have her way sometimes.

And being yourself does have a lot to add. I know most of the guys that I have liked weren’t trying to be alpha males and they certainly weren’t trying to impress me, so be careful and don’t overdo it.

Joshua Uebergang
13 Feb 2007, 11:43 am

Oh yeah. Nice to have a woman’s opinion to provide a little back up as to what women want.

As was said, being a jerk of cause is wrong :evil: . For many guys however, this is almost their last concern. They are the exact opposite.

Thanks for your comments.

19 Apr 2007, 4:27 pm

that article was total tripe,women want tall,dark and handsome and some are so materialistic that a man with money is good enough. men dont care as much about a womans physical traits as much as females. same reason why you see women get beat all the time and keep running to the same guy,chances are the guy is good looking and gets away with it because he is good looking. women are always saying men are shallow and dont like overweight women,then how come there are clubs for men who like BBW(big beautiful women) but not one single club for women who like big men?…………..fact is women are much more shallow and only care about a mans appearance and if not the appearance money is enough for them to stay with a man

Joshua Uebergang
19 Apr 2007, 5:11 pm

A woman would keep going back to a guy who beats her because she feels she has no other option or that the dominating behavior (excluding the physical beatings and harm) is an expression of something hard to catch.

Guys who are tall, wealthy, and handsome trigger a woman’s instinctive attraction triggers. Fortunately for a lot of men, another characteristic women want is personality. This is the most powerful one. All these characteristics drive how the woman feels when she is around the guy while personality is the “supercharged engine”.

It’s just that most guys make the wrong cause and effect assumption. They associate the looks of the good looking guys as the reason for them being successful with women. This is what society has conditioned us to believe. The good looking guys likely communicate attraction and everyone thinks it’s all his looks. The same thing goes on with all communication. Half of this world is stuck in the “matrix” and do not even know what goes on.

Good looks create the “Halo Effect” where girls assume the guys to be smart, having a great personality, and more wealthy. Does this means good-looking guys get all the good-looking girls? No way. You don’t need to play the game perfectly to get the girl.

Of COURSE good looks wins over bad looks. There’s no denying good looking guys have it easier than the rest of us but put up an unattractive guy who knows how to communicate attraction versus a good-looking guy who just has his looks, and I promise you 90% of women will want the guy who knows how to communicate attraction. I’ve seen it again and again. I have zero doubt. I have 100% certainty that this is what women want.

Like I repeatedly said in the article, if you don’t believe this is what women want then you just have to see it for yourself. Go out with a guy who knows how to trigger attraction (2% of men on this earth) and you won’t know what’s going on. Women will be over him. He’ll know what exactly is going on and to you it will seem like magic.

You still have disempowering beliefs and you need a whole new experience to shift your awareness otherwise you will continue to believe the lie that women just want good looking guys. Stop thinking with your current beliefs and thoughts.

Some girls, like guys, are just plain shallow and only want wealthy or good looking partners. These people have big-time self-concept issues which manifest in the form of divorce, drugs, alcohol, etc.

17 May 2007, 3:18 pm

I feel the women like most the well matured man with good physique and reputed in good field. A woman cannot hear adverse words against her.

:???: A woman is a very presitigous for a man. He is idol without her. One should be very careful while intracting with a pretty woman.

Joshua Uebergang
18 May 2007, 7:37 am

And saying things like that Kumar where you’ve given the woman your power and you feel she is better than you is not what women want.

Just letting you know behaviors like that fall under the wussy category big time.

05 Jun 2007, 4:49 am


25 Jun 2007, 12:19 pm

Intresting reading… I am in an interesting position of the younger man older woman relationship.. I agree with the article about what women want, and yes it would be great if the men could get the balance right..Women call men Jerks when they have been totally selfish and have not given the woman pleasure first. The other thing that men need to be aware of is.. it can sometimes take a woman years to be honest with herself about getting her wants met and knowing how to ask for them in an honest way.. There are lessons in life to learn.. and once you have learnt them I believe you are ready for open and honest love in a committed relationship.. so guys and girls… stay away from manipulation. be caring and honest, and Passion will be yours..B

Amit Sinha
10 Jul 2007, 3:07 pm

It was a real nice article, I think in many a ways it was an eye opener…and ya about the not being nice always was a real shocker..the last I heard girls liked sweet guys…hmm..but I guess you are right….especially if u are with a real hot women who is used to guys..who are wagging their tails like a puppy..trying hard to be nice.i think you find these guys dime a dozen…so ya i guess your theory would partially work here…partially cause with ma experiance..i think that you still gotta…act nice to the hot lady that you are trying to woo..u know compliment her and all just try and make sure its not one of those run of the mill comliments ..observe ..say something which she hasnt heard before or atleast not for a long time..and while at it try and make sure its genuine….

Joshua Uebergang
10 Jul 2007, 7:42 pm

Hey Amit. Generally, I just say stay away from compliments all together for at least a few weeks.

However, like you said, that’s the best compliment. You can also open your approach with a compliment like “Hey, I just wanted to come over and see if your personality matches your lovely dress.” Just don’t compliment again. This opener is effective because it shows confidence, is a qualifying statement, and puts her under pressure to qualify herself to you. In the end, this means you open with a strong frame.

10 Jul 2007, 9:34 pm

I have done most of what you say is right things to do to attract a woman and yet I have never had a girlfreind and still a virgin, so I think it is about looks, height and looks. I have been told that women only want tall, fit, goodlooking and financially secure men, also that women go for tall men because the taller the bigger the family jewels. Which is total BS and probably a femi-nazi bs rumour.

I think of suicide at least twice a fortnight and depressed alot of the time due to what I call the Shallow Womens Syndrome, getting sick of the loneliness. I do not show any negative emotions to women and always am happy go lucky and nice with them yet no Girlfreind, I would estimate I have asked out over 280 women since age of 14 now 34 soon to be 35, and vast majority like to mock when rejecting and comment on me being ugly. I sometimes think what is life without love and its NOTHING. Love and faith is all that matters in life and faith can’t keep you alive for long. I have tried everything available to men to find a woman and nothing! HELP!!!

Joshua Uebergang
11 Jul 2007, 1:29 pm

There’s something else going on Jaime. The fact that you believe these things is enough to stop any success with women.

The universe has it’s way of giving you what you think about. If you don’t believe that, then believe your beliefs and thoughts will be projected into your conversations where women have “ultra-sensitive abilities” to detect these things.

You obviously have a lot of inner game issues (and fair enough because of your past) but it doesn’t have to continue and it is no excuse to feel sorry for yourself.

It isn’t socially acceptable for a woman to call you ugly. No one else would get away with it, so should a woman who you are interested in get away with it? The “you’re ugly” statement may just be insult, but regardless, it doesn’t mean much. Chances are it’s just a test. If you give in and feel bad, then you fail the test.

Mate, last week I got called a “****in ugly guy” for like 30 seconds! I didn’t handle it as well as I could, but 5 minutes later she was really attracted! There’s many ways to handle these tests which are beyond this discussion, but use something like, “Wow. I guess we have something in common” with a sly smile or, “Didn’t your parents teach you any social skills?”

To any guy: I don’t care how ugly you are, how distorted your beliefs are towards women, or the number of failed experiences with women, 99% of the case you can have 10 times the success with women. You just don’t have the knowledge to be successful with women and that’s why you are where you are. If you haven’t educated yourself with several attraction resources like David DeAngelo’s book or Magic Bullets by Savoy (you can download both right now in the attraction section) then I’m going to tell you that you’re living in a mental cage and that’s why you’re failing with women.

Someone give me a medal.

08 Sep 2007, 9:35 am

I am convinced it is THE way to attract a woman to be ALPHA. So whatever response this may generate, do realise I almost fully agree with this article.

I just want to mention some aspects I believe have been neglected. Basically I am asking for more appreciation of non-alpha qualities and the way ALPHA-ness can be less valuable in other situations than picking up women. OK this is a VERY long bit but I have read a lot about this material and certain things bother me so I decided to write them down.

1. Other qualities a man should have

You will have to admit that not everyone is a born leader or extravert and will never be such a person completely. Being a leader or extravert is simply something that cannot be learnt because it’s so much related to personality. These things are the hardest things to change.

It seems the theory is a bit too harsh towards introverts (such as me) as if they never will get a woman. I believe with a mixture of alpha and other qualities you can get there as well. It is of course important that we come out of our shells, not afraid to speak up and no longer taking ANY ***t from girls, making the first move. Personality is important because women can spot it very quickly, which is why Mystery Method and other ALPHA-related pickup techniques are so succesful.

But you can have other things going for you, some of them not even ALPHA: intelligent, successful, good looking, a good listener (not ALPHA), a good mediator (not ALPHA), empathic (not ALPHA), good with children (not ALPHA), very honest (not very ALPHA, he’s the bad boy remember?). The only problem with non-ALPHA qualities is that they are less visible while ALPHA qualities become obvious very quickly. It’s that annoying pop song that get’s played 1000 times a day on
the radio that is more likely to become a hit than the much more brilliant but obscure single of that Indie singer-songwriter. So while women could get a much better man, they will settle for the ALPHA male, no matter how much of an asshole he is. Nice, good guys finish last.

2. Long term Relationships and the expiration date of ALPHA-ness

To MAINTAIN a good relationship seems an entirely different ballgame. Women are very picky and choose the best guy for everything. First, the guy with the best sperm, the alpha male. Then, the guy who is the most able to take care of her children (definitely not an alpha, she is now looking for non-alpha qualities). She may will still want romance and sex although children can interfere with that. She might want a 3rd guy for that (because the typical alpha male is a bad boy and will probably be screwing around too, plus being in love wears off). Pure biology (from Desmond Morris) but it doesn’t sound like a recipe for happiness to me. Ask every woman who has had a relationship with a celebrity/rock star/president etc. Sure they were attractive men but did they make their women happier? Some women may actually wise up, go against their nature and appreciate non-ALPHAS more. One of the things that I noticed about famous pick up artists such as Mystery, who could pick up 10 women a night, actually how incredibly LONG it took him to finally find the woman of his dreams (IF she still is…).

It will be also become a major problem for a guy, that has learned the alpha way to seduce women, that she eventually will find out his alpha-ness was only there to seduce her and no longer necessary to maintain the relationship. I know you will say “internalize ALPHA-ness so it’s not fake” but it will cost a lot of energy to keep doing so, that energy will run out sooner or later once the relationship is established.

3. A more relaxed look on improving your personality

Rather than being the best ALPHA male it seems to me it’s better to figure out how to be the best YOU, as the unique, strong, confident person everyone can be (Without necessarily having to dominate every crowd). Psychologists such as Marti Laney have written books to help introverted people thrive without having to become all extraverted. Like Shakespeare said, “To Thine Own Self Be True”.

There just seems to be too much emphasis now on “be ALPHA this, be ALPHA that”. Is that the right kind of pressure to put on young men that already suffer from a lot of peer pressure?

4. Biology does not always rule

Both women and men are by nature attracted to questionable or temporal characteristics that don’t truly matter in the long term: dominant behaviour and tits and ass respectively. That doesn’t stop all of them from having a brain and resisting to anything nature urges them to do. Do also realise that not every girl is a total knock-out so they’re not all in the luxury position of choosing an ALPHA male of their best liking. Notice dating sites such as Geek2Geek that help geek girls finding geek boyfriends. Not very alpha is it? If any ALPHA male would place an ad there he would be telegraphing he’s not really an ALPHA (otherwise what’s he doing there?). And the girls there don’t look for that type of guy. Actually some girls are a model that want a smart man instead of a leader (I’m sorry I don’t think most of them are very smart, just read an average book about history or politics).

Alpha males are just one type of male and yes they get laid the most often but if they would be the only ones we would all have alpha parents which is obviously not the case. And not all of the non-alphas had lucky, random, accidental sex.

08 Sep 2007, 9:53 am


after posting I read your comment here and although I agree with Joshua you should not give up to soon and be cool, there is one thing that I notice about your view on life that so obviously reveals your AFC-ness: that you think you NEED a ****ing woman to be happy. That means you do not have enough value of your own and that is not the situation you want to maintain. Who says women always make you happier? Plenty of guys have only been miserable. Because of your attitude alone you will come off as too needy and insecure. If you cannot be happy on your own, a woman will NEVER, EVER be able to make you happy. Work on the foundation (yourself) first, get a nice job that you like, develop interests and hobbies that you can be passionate about. If you have become that cool guy, any woman that says no to you is a fool. Do you want to marry a fool or an intelligent woman? Stop being needy and only approach women that are worthy. Even if you don’t find that woman, you can still be happy because you have made a life for yourself that is fulfilling.

Some kudos already are in place, I admire you for having approached so many women, I should learn from that, get out more and talk to more women. I do have reasonably good looks but my introverted personality has gotten in my way too much. You see every guy has some problems, nothing to worry about because most of them can be overcome. :smile:

02 Nov 2007, 1:27 am

well, nice guys are ok provided they dont to become weak guys who accepts anything a woman says without a mind of his own or shed tears at the slightest threat of his woman.This undoubtedly would give the woman the impression that she is not secured with this guy and this also pooses the guy as a weak guy who doesnt have confidence in himself.

27 Dec 2007, 2:05 pm

nice article. i agree with everything said above. its the feeling of security women wants. and complemtns works magic everytime. but extra compliments have created problem and that time I am taken for granted. complimenting other women befoe complimenting your girl is a better idea i guess first igniting jealousy and then praising means alot for girls i have met. and then they are ready to ptove those comliments yes try this naturally. compliment for other girl comes ot spontaneously is good idea.
and yes i am not womeniser or i am not an expert with womens. I feel the strongest and weakest part of women is they are nice fromm heart and are smarter then guys in many things. this article has proven facts which i could not theoritically explain but has happene naturally with me. and yes as one of the comments above they also want to feel important but without asking a women man should know what she wants, where she want to go. thats called caring. well another last sentence which i am translating in english. women are like ur shadows u follow them they fly away you fly away they follow you, its a saying but dont know how much true it is.

06 Feb 2008, 6:41 pm

I agree with it all, because I am who you described. The fact is that it is not flawless and you have to know when 2 b funny and not 2 be. I was an alfa male but I knew when to back off and ask for her input on where she wanted to go. T also was a nice guy and paid all the time due to the fact that there is not a date in the world unless you fly to another state that a man can’t pay for and not afford. if oyu can’t afford it work overtime or get another job. My girl broke up with me last week and it was on emotion and now I met someone else and it turned out to be good for me. What pisses me off is that when women have the total package they always think that there is something better no matter what. I know you wpmen are saying no I love my man or my husband but the truth is my friends or I have ###### many of you that say they are so in love and would never cheat. Guys woman are gulible creatures who buy into what everyone else thinks and do not listen to there emotions. I have not and will not ever see a woman put into a certain situation and around the right guy and won’t take advantage. I like the article and it’s me all the way but the thing is 9 out of my ten friends do not fit that description. So should they lie be fake and be someone they are not to just in 2 months go around there family and find out that they are a wussy who is just a nice guy? This sounds like a way to get laid 1 a week but not a way to find a girl who likes you for you. I am an asshole and I will admit it and I get laid more than the next guy but it only gets you one place. A date at the all the weddings of your friends who met nice guys who were not taken for granted by shallow woman who were mature and know what they want not a fantasy that television has created.

06 May 2008, 10:33 pm

i think this is truly apt… i mean its actuaaly the truth. women don’t like nice guys. they take them for granted. we want smart and confident guys who emerge as a winner in evry situation.

13 Jun 2008, 2:43 am

About six months ago, I was single. Like many single males, I was tired of being single and was ready to attract new love after having two failed long term relationships during my college years. I dated many girls but none of them worked out.
I found this article and was ready to try out these ideas. In addition to these techniques, I decided to take it a step further by believing that I will find someone. I remained as positive as I could, prayed, and always kept a mental image of the mate I wanted. That mental image consisted of looks, personality, and family. I also set a date a three months into the future of when I wanted this person to arrive in my life. I had complete confidence that this person was going to arrive.
I actually met someone a month later! I believe one of the techniques that worked best was to be cocky in a funny way. Use light hearted jokes…but always say a “just kidding after with a laugh” Don’t be a jerk…If you have tried this and time is going by and still no one, remind yourself of these concepts. I tend to forget and go back to my old nice guys, ways all the time. I jump back to this article to keep me staying confident. Thanks for this article.

08 Aug 2008, 10:13 am

Women who say they only want the Tall, Dark Handsome, Six Pack Abs and asshole men are absolutely the MOST SHALLOW WOMEN!! I think most of the women that want the Tall, Six Pack Abs, and asshole attitude men are the younger women that are in their early 20’s or have a dad that is an asshole. When Women finally actually GROW UP, get into the “real world” they come to their senses and realize there is so much more than just Height, Six Pack Abs and asshole attitude men.

31 Aug 2008, 3:42 am

I would say looks play an important role in a relationship. Both for men and women. However, beauty/looks are more important for women. Men on the other hand, need to only have a below average look. But, make sure you have a good career that comes along with good $!

Women would say, I don’t mind if his not rich, but trust me they do mind. To me LOVE can be bought with $, attraction can be bought with $.

I am saying this to those men who are looking for hot beautiful women. For those who disagree are not attractive because the first thing that turns you on or wanting to know that girl is her LOOKS. and if you have $ you would be able to get to her and keep her. Trust me, gals are materialistic, they might say I am not because for several reason:

1. The girl knows she is not attractive and knows her reach of what kind of men she could get
2. For those who know they are hot and pretty would obviously get someone who looks good with $, simply because she knows her reach.

(a)Can I say that every men wants an attractive, hot and pretty gf or wife?
(b)And every woman want a good looking and phsically fit bf or husband?
But for those men who disagree statement (a)they are not really good looking and don’t have much $ and they know their REACH! ( I used to drive a Malaysia car, but now I drive a CAMRY, I get women coming to me like water, and they are hot women)

And for statement (b), if women disagree, would mean you are not attractive, not hot and dont really have a nice body as you know your REACH!

Can I say that? I am just being very sincere and looking at FACTS of LIFE. The REALITY is BEAUTY/LOOKS/ATTRACTIVESS are IMPORTANT to a MEN when looking for a WOMEN. And when it comes to women, they want their MEN to be SMART and have $.

To average guys: Do you think you could get a girl like Jessica Alba or Amber Chia?

I am an average guy and I know my reach therefore I know I would never be able to get them. Unless, I work hard, smart and have a very good INCOME which i have now.

Same goes to women.

Do you think you could get a bf or husband like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise, if you are fat,short and unattractive.

Obviously NOT!So for girls who are that, work on your looks, work out, go for your treatments, spa or whatever to make you look good!

In short, MEN need to be smart,have a good career that pays very well.

Women need to be pretty, sweet,gentle and other characteristic that define a WOMEN!

This to me are FACTS of LIFE. It’s sad but true.

05 Sep 2008, 11:57 pm

:neutral: it´s not about the “who is what” in the dating world, or even wen we get into the long haul, strong relationships.

needy, shallow, emo, crazy, freaky, whatever…your completly missing the point here. these ideas or patterns by DeAngelo will in fact aid you in “picking” your partner having more to chose from.

yes cause its all about choice… “beautifull” men and women are able to CHOoSE! “not this one”, “not that one”, ok then.. “maybe that on over there, or maybe not”.
my friends CHOOSING is NOT a right that you have! like wen your buying a t-shirt… being able to pick wich partner you want from a crowd is a freeking previledge.

Notice “beautifull” in “” cause ofc good looks helps a lot, but you dont need to have them.
these tips TEACH you how to empower yourself, how to put yourself 1st, how to be confident thus making you desirable! making you an asset, lighting the bulb in women’s head, trigering the ( priciple of scarcity … by DeAngelo ) <=== <3 that one :smile: , ultimatly making you “beautifull”.

who cares is if this one girl dosent rock your world, or dosnt care about you, go get another one just because you can. the true POWER in life is having the POWER to choose!!! no matter what we are talking about it aplies to everything.

i know it may sound cold, and kinda jerki but ive been 9 years with someone, who i loved, and now its over.
but my life is not.. so no point in felling sorry for your self.
just get the tools you need to back in action and believe this might actualy help

24 Oct 2008, 3:18 pm

:mrgreen: i totally agree with everything that was said! it isn’t logical its just fact! if any guy reads this and doesn’t heed this advice they are just setting themselves up for failure! couldn’t have said it better myself! simple, straight to the point and true! i’ve had many experiences!

19 Dec 2008, 3:40 pm

Good article, although the part where it says women are not primarily attracted to look isn’t correct. Don’t know if I was just lucky but at 6’2″ I apparently have the rugged look going on I often get complimented on my looks. I’ve always pretty much been with attractive women -just feels like we’re more on the same page I don’t know, and yeah, physical attraction is a big part of wanting to be with your partner. I think it’s pretty natural to seek out attractive partners, not only for physical and emotional fulfillment. Of course that’s not the only thing needed and if you have nothing else going it will do you no good but you’re definitely right when you say attractive men also tend to have OTHER attractive qualities, and it’s these qualities that you should want for yourself ultimately, regardless of your look.

31 Dec 2008, 3:11 am

Joe’s comment is complete bullshit when he or she talks about women want men that have money. Women want a man that is successful just as men want their women to also be successful but both men and women need to define what is successful. I would say mainly women need to define their term successful. There are so many women that have this requirment list for their men and SUCCESSFUL always is on the list. Well women define what success means to you!!!

It seems that a lot of women have this illusionary picture of their men being this great success and always bringing home the money. Yes there are tons of men that are successful including myself but at the same time with an economy as bad as it is even the most successful people can be laid off at the snap of a finger. Then when women find that the men have possibly been laid off and wasn’t his fault but they seem to want to put the blame on him and say oh it was his fault he is not successful which is also complete bullshit. Women need to realize that everyone men and women are susceptible to being laid off and not ones fault except the business they worked for.

Also these women that have this big DREAMY vision of their men simply bringing home the money and being this HUGE success is just that a DREAM and these women are the young inexperienced women that have not been in the “real world” and don’t have experience themselves.

Success is not built magically or just over night and poof the man or woman instantly have money. Success takes time, effort, a lot of grit and hard work and also trial and error. So yes everyone wants and has dreams of having lots and tons of MONEY but it takes a lot of work and effort to do so!!

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