I commend you for presenting a good case but, if you would allow me to be direct, you are flat out wrong with myth# 14. Specifically it’s unstated fundamental premise that some lying is good for communication. It may be good for a temporary ego boost, which Leil says, but effective communication is not about making someone happy (and more importantly happy with you) for the moment at that persons’s expense. That IS manipulation.

Moreover, a lie’s temporary, ego-boosting effects, to a healthy introspective person, never outweigh its long term negative effects. I’ve heard of an unwritten rule of a negative’s “7:1″ influence ratio and I believe it is true. A negative comment or event has seven times the far-reaching effects and influence of a positive comment or event. Hence negativity should be dealt with carefully.

A lie can only serve to compound this effect. If the lie is discovered the momentary gain from hearing what one wants to hear will be demished (twofold from that 7:1 ratio) by realizing that one was both lied to and had done something wrong, such as giving a bad speech, at the same time… Try gaining that persons trust or being in his sphere of influence after that.

To solve this issue of a supposed need for “white lies” I always revert to what I like to call “constructive negative-criticism.” And that simply is to stress someone’s truthful positives but at the same time express what is or what was done wrong in a constructive manner; meaning make positive suggestions for next time or pointing out what needs improvement in a positive manner. This way someone can get a true representation of their areas needing improvement and it still lets the advice-receiver build a trusting relationship with the advice-giver in knowing that he or she always has good intentions at heart.

I would never want a speech professor to ever lie to me about a speech to boost my ego, but rather stress what I did correctly and how to improve next time.

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I did see some great and well written advice in the rest of the article though. And believe you me, I’m not lying .

I find your style of writing incredibly superb when it comes to communication. It just dont need any explanation as you chooses appropraite termonlogies to understand. I like the articles and seeing changes in my communication skills,

Tahnks and God bless

Your’re really genius and superb!
The 15Myths, really gets me at living lines of effective communications and align me in the line of getting things on the right track that endorsed with a sound action in daily life, thus thanks for the comprehensive and educative materials in the Communication things!

this is the most insightful email I recieve. Amongst all my junk mail which I don’t appreciate, I look forward to these things and print them out and keep them in a binder. It has come at a time in my life when I was doing research in order to heal myself, counsellors weren’t doing great.

Nadeem Anwar Bhatti- Pakistan.