Improving Our “Signals” and “Beings”

This is the beginning of a five part course called, “Freeing Yourself From Mistakes and Pain: A Five Part Course On Apologizing and Emotional Freedom”. This first part is about apologizing’s powerful effects. To get the course started, what is your reaction to learning about apologizing and forgiveness? Take a few seconds to think about it.

Once you’ve answered that simple question, if you’re like most people when they hear about such topics, you’re probably unwilling to learn more about them. But this is the reality we face with any new topic we learn. We assume a shallow understanding of a powerfully deep topic. This literally steals our ability to grasp new, more powerful, information to change our lives. The things of the past end-up controlling the things of the future.

Why do people prefer to avoid learning about the topic of apologizing in spite of its tremendous powers? I believe many people think like this for three reasons:

1. They think they know how to apologize. Just like the many people who have not began to learn effective communication skills, so are these people with apologizing. They think they have the skills, but in reality their thoughts are blinding themselves to potential opportunities in improving their lives and relationships. Don’t trick yourself into thinking you “know it all”. By thinking what you know is right, you are using the number one technique to destroy learning: ignorance. You close off your mind because you think its already full with what you need to know.
2. They think it’s not relevant enough. These people think apologizing isn’t worth it. They think its a waste of time to learn. Like point one, you need to be aware of, and willing to learn, what topics such as apologizing can really do for your life.
3. They are too lazy. These people just can’t be bothered to learn. Hopefully, you don’t fit into this category. But if you do, there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s your choice and your life. Just don’t blame other people for the events in your life because you have decided to not take responsibilty for yourself and who you will become.

These excuses to avoid emotional healing are very limiting because we are always making mistakes. Mistake after mistake. It doesn’t stop. The fact is, your mistakes will never stop. I’m not just talking about physical accidents, but mistakes we make with our relationships. We say things that hurt others. We can be ignorant in loving our family. We can be emotionally blind to those in need.

Take a momentary leap of faith to expand your awareness and grasp the powers of apologizing and forgiveness to free yourself from mistakes and pain. Accept a level of awareness and openness to change. Due to the nature of pain and mistakes, you have two decisions you must make in dealing with your mistakes:

1. Reduction – You’ll never eliminate mistakes, but you can reduce the number by learning more about yourself and developing your communication like you’re doing with my newsletter, articles, and this course. Communicating more effectively helps you avoid relationship blunders which prevent emotional pain.
2. Coping – Learn to live with your mistakes as they will always exist. Coping is ignorance or passive acceptance. Here we are learning to better deal with what occurs.

Seeing that the first decision, reduction, is an ongoing process achieved by continual learning, this course focuses on the coping component of emotional healing. And one of the best ways to do this while experiencing better relationships and a more enjoyable life is successfully apologizing. An apology isn’t just saying, “sorry”, but it’s a radical movement away from pain to empowerment.

What Happens When You Fail to Apologize

There is a problem each of one us face in following advice on emotional healing: apologizing is difficult. We are ensnared in what we think of ourselves by holding onto our pride. We can be selfish and not willing to admit our most obvious mistakes. Pride eats away at us as we argue or, at the other end of the continuum, ignore the mistake. Guilt ensnares us in its cage of lies and pride as we defend our self-centered minds.

It’s happened to me. I have had too much pride and selfishness to apologize to a loved one I had hurt. When I did want to apologize, I couldn’t bring myself to facing the other person. This is the pride I’m talking about. Maybe apologies come difficult for guys because we’re expected to be dominant. It’s like the joke a guy never asks for directions when lost. I’m not making excuses, but this is my observation. Ladies are more emotionally open than guys and are willing to express it. Still, both genders wonder how to correctly apologize.

In shifting the focus on apologizing away from you, what does not apologizing do to other people? They feel hurt that you are not willing to communicate your mistake. They lose trust in you as you hide behind your mistake avoiding reality. They become angry towards you, wondering why you will not tell them the truth. They may begin to counter your lack of apologies by not apologizing themselves and from this the relationship goes downhill as the two of you get caught in a power struggle.

You need to communicate your mistakes. A mistake you made is like a scratch and by not apologizing you are making the scratch a deeper wound and rubbing salt into it. You need to stop hurting the other person and yourself by learning to apologize. There is real power in apologizing and emotional healing.

Powerful Benefits in Apologizing

If you feel I haven’t given you enough reasons to start apologizing, here are more reasons and the amazing power of apologizing:

1. When you admit your mistakes and don’t hide your weaknesses, other people you come across are more able to do the same. They own more courage to begin practicing the power of apologizing. You act as a role model and an encourager.
2. We all are extremely flawed. We have a limited power. If we were cars, we’d breakdown every 50 miles and require servicing just as often. But we are not mechanical beings. Thank goodness for that. We are humans who reside on a planet of mistakes, and apologies are an absolute necessity to bring balance in our lives. Christians say we are always sinning and making mistakes regardless of our desires to do what is right and good.
3. When apologizing you begin to fix the problem you created and the healing process begins. By not apologizing you are merely sweeping dirt under a rug. By not apologizing you are covering up your actions hoping to get on with life. It doesn’t work that way. The problem will reappear and bite you when you least expect it and at the worst possible time. That is one of Murphy’s Law which states that the worst thing will happen the worst way and at the worst possible time.
4. If someone hurts you it is justice to have them apologize to you. For some reason this is not the case when we hurt someone. The hurting person desires your sympathy as much as you desire theirs when they hurt you.
5. Apologizing is giving back what you have taken. You restore the victims feeling of worthiness and self-esteem. When a person is continually damaged from someone else’s actions and lack of apologies, their entire self-concept goes straight in the bin. They feel useless. Yes, not apologizing is that powerfully destructive. This principle is more so true for children. A child cannot be expected to accept other’s mistakes that damage how they feel of themselves as being a part of life.
6. By having complete responsibility for your actions you possess an enormous amount of self-control. You do not become a victim of others. You become your own person. You begin to create your own destiny. By taking action and guiding your thoughts and feelings, you stop blaming others for what has happened to you and your relationships.
7. By sincerely apologizing you show effort in a relationship. You are taking action on the relationship by apologizing. That is an entire different mindset to avoiding mistakes in an attempt to “secretly get by”.
8. We become greater than our desires. When asking for forgiveness, you rise above the destructive desire to avoid displaying remorse. You no longer need to cover up your behavior as you have brought it into the light. This takes courage! Your newfound courage will roll into other areas of your life as you begin to face upto other difficult issues you had avoided in the past.
9. Apologizing produces guilt in other people for the better. They see you apologize for your mistake and compare it to their contribution to the mistake or another mistake they have made. They may become aware that what they have done is far worse than your mistake which produces guilt and possibly leads them to also apologizing. You can say apologizing has a chain-reaction effect.

Who would have thought there is this much power in apologizing! There is true power in emotional healing.

You can start harnessing the power of apologizing by following a little of your parent’s advice. Our parents taught us if we make a mess, clean it up! This rule carries over into our relationships with others. If you make a mess with someone, put in hard work to clean it up. Don’t expect someone else to clean the mess you made in your relationship. You’re responsible for your emotional healing and cleaning up your mistakes. You can do this by learning to apologize.

Links in this Course: Freeing Yourself From Mistakes and Pain – A Five Part Course On Apologizing and Emotional Freedom

1. Power of Apologizing
2. Barriers and Mistakes Made in Apologizing
3. How to Apologize Correctly
4. Alternative Ways of Apologizing
5. Finding the Art of Forgiveness

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I'm creator of a highly praised program called "Communication Secrets of Powerful People" program. You can read about it here and order it here.