It is extremely difficult keeping perspective when life hits you hard with a problem that appears insurmountable. A problem so big you feel it will be the end of you.
The events we experience radically change our perspective where one moment you feel on top of the world and the next moment a difficult problem reverses your positive perspective into negativity, gloom, and doom. Your wonderful short and long term outlook immediately shifts into a negative perspective. Whether you are feeling hit hard by a really big problem or want to prepare yourself for the inevitable big problems life serves everyone, this article will help you keep your perspective on the right path.
What are some of the common events that really hit people hard?
- Death – Probably the toughest problem to keep perspective as a loved one leaves your life forever.
- Divorce or break up – I’ve written about getting over a relationship break up and depending on the nature of the break up, psychologists have compared it with grieving the death of a loved one.
- Unemployment – The more financial trouble you are in, the more stressed you’ll become over being able to provide for yourself and family. You wonder how you are going to get yourself out of the financial mess.
- Serious health issues – You or someone has been diagnosed with cancer or another serious health problem.
Fighting Your Bigger Problem (BP)
You and the big problem you are experiencing and are like opponents in life’s boxing ring. For easy and fun purposes in this example, I’ll call the big problem “BP”. The fight starts as BP enters your life and begins to swing like crazy. BP is jabbing, hooking, and upper cutting with relentless aggression and when BP hits hard, some people feel so walloped by BP that they don’t bother getting back up. BP totally knocks them out for life.
As you’re in the ring against BP getting pounded by its relentless aggression, more often then not it will give you an emotional knockout. You lay on life’s ground in a daze desperately needing help and wondering how the heck you are going to win over a heavy-weight champion. You wonder how to keep perspective.
How are you supposed to keep a good perspective when a really big problem stands there facing you in life’s boxing ring and slams you so hard your emotions are flying everywhere?
Understanding your perspectives, taking a look at the bigger reality, and making a commitment will keep your thoughts and feelings perspective.
Society’s Conditioning and Your Ego
Society has conditioned us to think a loved one dying, divorce, unemployment, or serious health issues are life’s toughest opponents. They are the “heavy-weight world champions”. Have you ever stopped to question this? Have you questioned why you actually felt these were tough problems?
We think these problems are tough. Our ego kicks in thinking we have a hard life. We begin to feel sorry for ourselves as our egos inflate problems causing us to lose perspective.
Here are some basic statistics I’ve pulled up from the Internet:
- Death – Every person on this planet dies (I came up with this statistic myself Aren’t I smart?)
- Divorce or break up – Divorce Magazine in 1997 found 2.5 million in America alone divorce every year.
- Unemployment – U.S Bureau of Labor Statistics in 2006 reported 6.8 million Americans to be unemployed.
- Health issues – The World Health Organisation estimates 2 million – mostly children – die every year just from diarrhoeal diseases. These children have no option but to live in poorly sanitized environments. They have no control in living a healthy life.
I can find many statistics that will horrify your struggling perspective. For the problem you are struggling to keep in perspective, perhaps go and search Google for some statistics to help change your understanding of your problems. If your big problem is physical looks, go find the millions of pictures on the internet of people uglier than you. Print them out and pin them on the wall to remind you of people worse off, which will keep your thoughts and feelings in perspective. As shallow as it is and unfortunate that it would come too such a low moral level, compare yourself with the many far worse off than you or the many that do experience your problem.
Egos overcomplicate perceptions of problems which affect judgements of reality. Your lack of perspective is formed through your ego deluding yourself into thinking your problems are tough or unique. The problem will not typically be unusual, but rather simple to overcome because your ego blows your judgement out of proportion. Take a look at the bigger reality to change your perspective.
Having done that, it’s time to develop an attitude and perspective so strong nothing will be able to destroy it.
A good coach will prepare his players for an important match. The coach will talk about the other team’s tactics, playing style, and past results to prepare his team for a good match and help prevent the unexpected. You can and should learn about big problems beforehand. Don’t ignorantly wait until the problem arises in your life. Everyone should learn about dealing with grief and loss before having to experience it. Preparation will help you through the difficult experience. Instead of waiting till another big problem occurs, start preparing beforehand like a coach prepares his players for a match. You’ll equip yourself with the knowledge to keep perspective when experiencing the problem and the preparation will help you fight through it.
Developing an Athletic-like, Undefeatable Attitude and Perspective
World-class performers are so good at what they do that the quality of their opponents does not concern them. Tiger Woods does not worry whether he can defeat other excellent golfers because he knows how he performs is purely dependent on himself and not other golfers. If he wins, so be it. He has spent tens of thousands of hours on the practice range and winning tournaments that he has created a superior self-confidence in his ability to win tournaments regardless of how good his opponents in the tournament are.
You may think preparing beforehand and not worrying about your problem when experiencing it is contradicting. I’ll again use a golfing example because it’s a great sport . When a good professional approaches a shot and sees bunkers, water, or long grass, the golfer is aware of these obstacles. When a golfer focuses on these obstacles he/she becomes more likely to hit the ball into them. However, by considering the obstacles beforehand yet only focusing on the shot ahead when setting up, the golfer will more likely overcome the obstacles and hit a great shot.
Think of the golfer’s bunkers, water, and long grass as your problems. Focusing on the problems will increase failure and cause you to lose perspective. However, preparation beforehand to increase your awareness and understanding of the problem when applied with 100% focus on what you need to do will give you excellent perspective and increase your success of overcoming the big problem.
I’m now going to apply this psychology to winning against your opponent BP. Why should you really care how tough the problem is? Does it really matter?
If you are so focused on your individual performance you do not care how big the problems are you face. What this means is you only become concerned about what you can control. You cannot control your opponents, but you control your performance. You create a tunnel-like vision only focusing on where you want to go while ignoring the havoc that is occurring around you.
BP is standing there in life’s ring flexing muscles being a big show pony. It’s bouncing from foot-to-foot taking air swings and trying to intimidate you. Your tunnel vision created with focus on your individual performance and ignoring the uncontrollable problem ensures you maintain a desirable perspective. The problem comes charging at you like a raging bull yet you do not care. Whatever BP does isn’t your concern as you have no control over it.
You’ve just experienced a divorce – maybe you did influence it – and now it becomes your BP. You keep perspective on what you can control.
Keep developing yourself.
Keep improving your communication.
Keep meeting new people.
And keep working towards excellent relationships.
You become so committed into living with a great partner that the champion attitude instils powerful self-confidence creating an undefeatable perspective. When you enter this champion mindset, you just know nothing can make you lose your perspective.
Adapt the champion attitude to a loved one passing away. You keep a desired perspective on living without the person because you cannot change the person’s mortality status. You do grieve, share, and work through your emotions, but you do not let it change your perspective.
Make that choice today to fully commit yourself to an area you are having problems in. Maybe your BP is hitting you hard right now. Become a champion and develop an attitude where you are 100% determined to never let the uncontrollable control you and to focus on your own individual performance.
By questioning and understanding your perspective, seeing the greater reality, and being committed to a long-term goal, you manage to keep perspective. Following an undefeatable attitude will keep your thoughts and feelings in perspective no matter how big the problems are smacking you up in life’s boxing ring.
If you learned something useful from this article, please share the article with your friends, family, coworkers, and others by clicking: . You can also signup to my newsletter for more great information.