Improving Our "Signals" and "Beings"

Have you ever looked at someone and just felt that they were an interesting person? I’m sure we all have sensed a person to be interesting at some time in our lives. These people did not even need to say a word to spark this tickle of curiosity within us. There is a list of characteristics about these people that I have learned to cultivate in myself that I’m going to share with you in this article – so that you can be more interesting without having to say a word.

We know there are two aspects to communication: verbal and non-verbal communication. Because these interesting people do not say a word to make you curious about them, their interesting characteristics come from good non-verbal communication, also known as body language. Non-verbal communication gives you the power to be interesting, amongst many other benefits.

A lot of lies and misleading information has been made about body language’s impact on communication. One such example comes from Albert Mehrabian, a psychologist at the University of California in Los Angeles, who created the “7%-38%-55% Rule”. It is a communication rule defining what factors give meaning to our words. The rule says 7% of meaning is in the spoken words, 38% of meaning is in how we say the words, and 55% of meaning is in facial expressions. As I’ve revealed in the 15 greatest communication myths, this communication rule cannot be applied to all situations, as Mehrabian says that this rule applies only when someone is discussing their likes and dislikes. Nonetheless, Mehrabian does emphasize that body language is always a strong influence in communication.

Knowing the power of body language, you will be able to control your non-verbal communication to communicate the messages you want others to receive. If you want to appear attractive, then your body language has the power to communicate that. If you want to appear lazy, boring, or unattractive, then you adjust your body language accordingly and others will immediately begin judging you as lazy, boring, or unattractive. Your body language has the power to influence and communicate what you want – in our case, how to be interesting.

I have learned three body language tricks to make myself appear more interesting. These techniques are simple, but they are powerful and may take a bit of practice until you become unconsciously competent with them. People will see you as more interesting and charismatic once you use them. Here are the three most powerful non-verbal skills you can put on yourself that will instantly make you more interesting, rapidly improve your attractiveness, make you more approachable, and quickly explode your confidence like never before with such ease:

Gooey Eyes

As I type this, it’s ironic that I’m listening to a song called “Open Your Eyes” by DJ Tiesto while the next song to be played is “Iris” by Goo Goo Dolls (normally, I don’t listen to lyrical music because it steals my point of focus). Eyes have always been important to humans. Without eyes, human communication relies on sounds. Without good eye contact, communication can be destroyed.

Most people’s understanding of good eye contact is to ensure you keep looking at the person, but there are eye contact techniques like the gooey eyes techniques that you can use to improve your body language and make yourself more interesting without having to say a word. The other person will see your great eye contact and instantly infer from your body language that you are no ordinary person. Excellent eye contact is powerful in giving the message that you are an interesting person.

Generally, the technique involves making more eye contact with the person that you want to perceived by as being more interesting. It is a slow, deliberate movement to make people like you. The imagery you want to have – and where it gets the “gooey eyes” name from – is visualizing your eye contact with the person like a sticky toffee being peeled off a surface. Look at the person as per normal, but keep the eye contact going a little longer than you normally would. Just before you turn your head down, to the side, or to someone else’s eyes to break the eye contact, maintain eye contact for a bit longer by peeling your gooey eyes off the person as you turn your head. Peel your eyes off the person like a sticky toffee being lifted from the surface.

Gooey eyes makes you interesting because your head is shifting somewhere else, but your eyes are momentarily focused on the person you are talking with. It shows the person you are confident enough to make strong contact, a dominant trait, as you go about what you are doing. The technique also communicates that the person has something about them that other people do not see. You are breaking the eye contact as normal yet you continue to visually absorb them because they are interesting to you.

Gooey eyes contain several different levels of intensity depending on the person and the situation. Generally, women to women and men to women can have very strong eye contact. When someone makes strong eye contact with a woman in a conversation, their conversational intimacy heightens. The woman instantly feels more interested in the person.

Women interact with others to feel intimacy and strong eye contact is associated with intimacy. Take a look at the time women spend on the phone. They can take hours talking about what happened in one day. Now think about how long a man-to-man phone call takes. We will often punch in the numbers and be off the phone within 1 minute. I’ve had so many man-to-man calls that have lasted less than 30 seconds. We are very objective based. I can’t imagine us guys asking each other, “Oh, so what are your feelings about…?”

If you are a guy and want to appear attractive to a lady, make an effort to never look away from her until she loses eye contact with you. Using this technique will display explosive amounts of confidence – a very attractive quality – to the lady. When you and a woman see one another, make strong eye contact in addition to applying the gooey eyes technique as you look away. Women love slow, meaningful body language. You will catch her attention, show confidence, and be far more interesting to her. Use these techniques while keeping in mind that if she doesn’t know you, be sure to not eye her down without talking to her at sometime otherwise you risk being seen as a creepy stalker.

You do need to be careful in some cultures and situations with strong eye contact because it can be interpreted as threatening and aggressive. Previously I would have said that for a man-to-man interaction a guy needs to soften the gooey eyes technique, but you can make strong eye contact without appearing aggressive in most cultures. You can be dominant without being domineering. If you are a guy, on average aim to make eye contact about 70% of the time with another guy – and when you look away, visualize your eyes peeling off the guy like a sticky toffee. You won’t come off as aggressive or shy, but you will find a median that shows you are a “someone” who is interesting.

One last point I would like to make about gooey eyes is to avoid overusing the technique with a person. If you keep peeling your eyes off the person like a sticky toffee, you risk being seen as weird.

Overall, applying gooey eyes and improving your eye contact will give off many messages beyond making you appear more interesting. You will look like you are a “someone” as people will feel and see your radiating confidence. Use the technique and you will give off messages that come from a powerful person.

Illuminating Smile

In Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, he discusses the importance of smiling. Most of us are well aware of a good smile’s influence, yet many people wonder how a good smile is done. You need to learn the “how” and not just the “what”.

A good smile is contagious because it makes the smiling person, and the witnesses, feel good. Research has isolated a smile from other influencing variables to discover that seeing only a smile makes you feel better. Likewise, seeing a person frown makes you feel worse. It is a magical brain-to-brain connection that links humans in an almost mystical way. You can make people feel good, make yourself feel good, and make yourself look good by cultivating an illuminating smile.

Why is it that some people have a cold turkey smile that doesn’t radiate into other people? On the other hand, some people light-up your heart with a beautiful smile? How can you achieve an illuminating smile that lights up the room?

You don’t have to be born with a great smile. The face is comprised of muscles that you simply need to control to develop an illuminating smile. You can carve a great smile from your face.

A cold turkey smile begins with the smiling person not truly feeling happy or excited. This incongruence shows in the facial muscles. If you can build positive emotions inside yourself, a true smile will show on the outside. It also helps to fabricate a smile by just smiling as research shows you feel better even when your smile is fake. Stimulating the emotions to create an illuminating smile is important.

A cold turkey smile is simply an on and off switch, while an illuminating smile will slowly increase its intensity until illuminated. I call this the illuminating smile because your smile will be like a volume switch gradually being turned until at full power. Your illuminating smile is like a dimming light that has varying intensity: it can light up the room at its highest level (a big smile), it can be off (a normal face), and it can be anywhere between.

To use the technique, after one second of good eye contact with someone, “turn up” your smile. Increase the dimming switch to gradually brighten your smile. Begin with a little smile, slowly increasing it over two seconds until it becomes a big smile. So, from the initial eye contact to your largest smile will total about three seconds.

Practice your smiling in front of a mirror. Make the initial eye contact, wait a second, and then gradually increase your smile to illuminate the room. You will see for yourself how genuine and interesting your smile really is. I do advise you to lock the door to the room in case someone sees you practicing your smile. It’s weird to see, but wonderful to do.

An illuminating smile will appear genuine because you do not instantly flick on your smile upon eye contact. Rather, you wait a second or two, begin smiling, and increase your smile’s size over about two more seconds. An illuminating smile gives you the ability to appear genuine, will light-up the room, and make you an interesting person before you even speak a word.

Capitalizing Posture

An excellent posture rings a giant bell to everyone that you are a “someone” who is interesting. It tells everyone you are not an average person. In the man-to-woman context, a woman instantly is able to see which guys she feels are interesting by observing how they walk. A guy with an excellent posture switches all her right buttons and makes her interested.

I have called this third technique of being interesting without saying a word “capitalizing posture” for several reasons. Firstly, successful people use their assets better than someone who is not successful. Seeing we all have a posture with the potential to become a great asset, you can capitalize on your posture. Capitalize on one of your greatest assets: your posture.

Secondly, a good posture is often associated with being tall, high status, strong confidence, and power. A capitalizing posture will be like buildings in a capital city. This doesn’t mean you need to be like a giant (me ) to have good posture. Far from it. It is about focusing on being erect and using your posture the best you can. It’s time to put an end to having a posture that is more like The Leaning Tower of Pisa than a strong, stable structure.

There are several techniques you can use to grow your greatest body language asset. I have heard so many complex techniques to adjust your posture, but I have discovered one amazingly simple technique that I have previously kept a secret to myself. Here it is: all you need to do is lift your chest up. That’s it! Your head will rise, your neck will straighten, your shoulders will drop back, and your back will straighten – all by lifting your chest! This is a capitalizing posture.

If you ever feel compressed throughout the day, like you might be now as you sit down at the computer reading this article, lift your chest up like Tarzan. While I recommend you breathe through your stomach (technically you can’t because your lungs aren’t there, but your stomach should expand), I want you to take a deep breath in the top of your lungs to lift your chest and stretch your posture into a taller position. Try the capitalizing posture technique right now. You can do it on your computer chair. It only takes a second to do.

Learn From Others

So far I’ve shared three techniques with you that I’ve cultivated in my body language to make myself appear more interesting without saying a word, yet there is a fourth technique that can allow you to gather further body language tips. It is a powerful exercise that will forever improve your non-verbal communication – guaranteed. I say it will forever improve your body language, in any everyday activity, because it is an ongoing lesson.

The technique involves observing other people’s body language to notice what works and why it works – as well as what doesn’t work and why it doesn’t work. You can do this exercise right now thanks to the Internet. Go on YouTube and find a video of someone who you look up to and who is notably famous. Don’t get distracted by watching the plethora of available videos! Do the exercise!

If you have found a video of this person you are after, turn all sound off, watch the video, and observe his or her body language. Take note of what makes the person interesting. What is good about their body language? For me, I love basketball so I chose Michael Jordan. I noticed Jordan has almost a trademark limp in his walk. It’s a notable limp. He rises on his toes as he walks. This gives him a unique body language characteristic that people remember him for. I learned that I don’t need to mold myself into a robotic being with “perfect” body language as uniqueness can make you interesting.

Once you’ve watched a video of a person you like, find a video of an everyday person. Again, watch this video with the sound off. Observe this person’s body language and compare the difference to the body language of the person you admire. It is not guaranteed, but the person who is notably more successful will appear more interesting than the everyday person due to their differences in body language. Ask yourself what parts of their body language could be improved. Begin using the body language lessons you have learned.

Another and more original version of this technique involves watching people throughout the day in diverse areas of life. For example, you can go into a busy area with many people like a shopping center and observe people’s diverse body language. Watch people who have poor eye contact when they talk to others, customer service staff that don’t smile, or people who walk with a pitiable posture. These people will generally be of a lower social class. Now watch those who you think are in a higher social class. They will appear more interesting because they will hold their heads up straight, make good eye contact, will likely smile, and have excellent posture. Observe what works and why you think it works, then use it.

Observing these situations deepens your understanding of how powerful gooey eyes, an illuminating smile, and a capitalizing posture is in making you interesting and powerful. Practice these techniques in a mirror or the next time you socialize and see for yourself how they instantly make you a more interesting person without saying a word.

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I'm creator of a highly praised program called "Communication Secrets of Powerful People" program. You can read about it here and order it here.