Comments on: Getting Over a Relationship Break Up

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[...] Getting Over a Relationship Break Up [...]

By: james

james — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 20:28:54 +0000

hey everybody, i broke up with my girlfriend before Christmas, since then i have not stopped thinking about her, i cant sleep without seeing her face and hearing her voice. then today i saw her in town wrapped around another guy this absolutely broke my heart because i had always thought we had another chance together. all my friends have told me that shes no good for me and i should move on but i cant believe that because i still love her so much and cant stop thinking about her. also now i have no confidence because of all of the horrible things shes said about me and this is stopping me trying to find someone else because i’am scared about being hurt again any advice would be nice.

By: Cait

Cait — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 16:10:37 +0000

Hi. Okay any advice on what to do will be greatly appreciated. I am 22 years old and the guy I am experiencing a difficult time with is also 22 years old. We started dating back in high school (5 years ago) we dated for 2 and 1/2 years and then when I went away to school I told him we needed to go our separate ways. He was my first love and my first kiss and my first everything. I knew that if I didn’t break it off we would have been together forever and I wasn’t ready for that commitment at 19 years old. However, this guy was relentless. He would call 17 times a day and would continue to visit me (I went to school three hours away) so I never truly got over him. We became best friends and he would tell me everyday that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I eventually tried to date someone else and tried to end communication with him because I didn’t want him to get hurt, however, it lasted about two months because my ex would call up this guy and threaten my new bf’s life as well as his own. We broke up and then I was back to hanging out with my ex. For the next three years we were inseparable, but I still did not want to have that title of a relationship because I was scared of the intense commitment that followed. I dated one more person within those three years but I did not stop talking to my ex like the last time. Needless to say that other relationship ended and it was just me and my ex again. This past December we got into a fight and we didn’t talk for about a week. I am graduating college in may so it was my last December finals and I was working overtime at all three of my jobs so not speaking to him was the last thing on my mind. After the week of craziness I got home to my families house in the suburbs and it was around christmas and I got to thinking about mine and my ex’s relationship. I realized I love this kid more than anything in the world and I am ready for this. I couldn’t believe I had put it off for 3 years. He was still telling me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever even though we were not speaking so I decided to throw all of my feelings out there the day after christmas. I did it and I thought we would have this magical moment and everything would be perfect and then I realized he wasn’t even smiling and he was being very distant. He then said, you are only saying all of this because I am seeing someone else. To my shock I didn’t know what he was talking about. He later explained that he was seeing someone from his work (he is a community service officer and she is a 911 dispatcher) and she is 30 years old and has a child between then ages of 6-9. I was in shock I didn’t know what to do. After a week of him going back and forth and telling me he broke it off with her and then not breaking it off with her I decided to tell him I just wanted to go back to being friends (knowing deep down I didn’t) and he started to cry and say I just need a little time and I know that I see us ending up together in the future, I always have. I stopped talking to him for 5 days after that and now I get at least 12 calls a day from him and text messages and picture texts, however, he still sleeps over at this woman’s house every night. This other woman is falling in love with him and puts it all over her myspace, yet he calls me every time he is leaving her house or he is at work. I can’t get over him because I have loved him for five years and I was finally able to admit to my feelings, but I don’t know what else to do. This is the most painful thing I have ever been through. Please help!

By: Joey

Joey — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 06:04:34 +0000

For anyone who can help,
About two months ago my gf of 4 years decided one day that she needed a “break”. She tells me that she just wanted to be single and didn’t think that she needed a boyfriend right now. We were the best of friends and I always thought that she was the one. Granted the last month of the relationship we had been fighting of stupid little things, but she never came to me to tell me that there was a problem on her side. But apparently she had been thinking of this for a while (about two months). The part that hurts the most is she never gave it a chance to work through anything. Since the break up i have done the classical boyfriend moves, drunk dialed/texted/facebook/email. As i said it has been two months and she hasn’t ONCE initiated ANY kind of contact. All she has done is responded to something that i sent and even at that it was very short or vague. I still love her but i think that she has completely moved on. It hurts to think that someone that you loved with all your heart could just stop loving you over night and then throw you away with the garbage and never look back. Any suggestions as to what i need to do?

By: Kay

Kay — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 19:37:32 +0000

Hello,
I was with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have a son together. our relationship was extremely tough. We broke up a lot. We both cheated. About a year ago I broke up with him because I was tired of the situation and i wanted to have fun and live a normal life. Well, I partied and had fun while he was hurting. This lasted about four months and then I realized that I still love him and that, although he hurt me in the past, I still want to be with him. So, we got back together, but soon after I found out that he had been and still was cheating on me for 2 years with multiple girls. I was crushed!!….I kept finding lists of phone numbers of about 50 girls, so I would argue with him about it. He would leave with his friends all night and come home the next day. So this went on for about 3 months, until one day I found a profile he created years ago and started an argument with him. That day he told me he doesn’t love me anymore and walked out the door. It’s been 4 months now, and I know we had a terrible relationship but I still love him. I just can’t get over him. He’s the father of my son and I have to see him all the time. Please help.

By: GA

GA — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 21:30:23 +0000

I have been in this relationship for 9 and ½ years, in Feb. 2008 I was engaged and started to plan a wedding in early August. During the planning process I set the date for a july 2009 wedding, he later said that he wanted a 2010 wedding…after I already had nearly 50% planned. An argument started, I didn’t want to plan a wedding during school ( I start graduate school in Fall 2009), but he insisted that a 2010 wedding was better because of less stress. Nothing made sense to me, I just thought, COLD FEET ! We started counseling and after a month and a half, the wedding is cancelled and are relationship seems nearly over. It started with a date for our wedding and has developed into what we don’t get out of our relationship..or what he didn’t get. I am upset, I feel that he should have brought this up before the proposal. I have given him so many ways out of this relationship, but he continues to say that he wants to take things slow and get thru this. I am so confused because he doesn’t show that he wants to work thru this. He goes out with his friends very often and makes little time for me. He doesn’t ignore me, but I don’t feel the connection. It’s hard to walk away after all this, but I feel like I should ! I feel as if it’s me trying to pull him to reality and see what he is going to lose. Am I right, do I walk away ? I am so stressed and confused with this situation…I need this to end because it’s difficult for me to function on a daily basis. Do I walk away or keep trying to work it out ? I am wondering if I am missing signs that he is giving me. Help !

By: Michele

Michele — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 22:06:08 +0000

I moved from NJ to MN to be with my fiance. Prior to moving the relationship was not the best, but I just chalked it up to us being in a long distance relationship and it being difficult. Hes a great guy and has pretty much most of the qualities that I look for in a partner. One of our biggest issues was communication. Which I know is major. I would say one thing to him and he would perceive it another way. He and I spent a great deal of time trying to explain what the each other meant. In addition to that, he had broken up with me several times even twice after our engagement. This time I chalked it up to him being stressed about work and school.

The final break up was my doing, I drove him away. We got into an argument and I felt like I knew he was going to break up with me again. So I just kept pushing, calling him inconsiderate, unable to make up his mind, he want to leave to go be with other women bc I felt at the end of the argument no matter what I did he would leave me. Its like I just wanted him to say its over bc that what he usually does. So he ended it, 4 months after I uprooted myself to advance our relationship. I asked for it right? And now for the life of me, I cant figure out why……

By: Seezah

Seezah — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 05:34:32 +0000

Okay, I’m trying my luck by posting here. After reading all of these posts, I just got to wondering what you all out there might make of my situation.

My boyfriend and I had been dating for two and a half years. We’re both rather young; around 23ish. This was also our first “serious” relationship.

Anyway, we’d been living together for a while. However, we were more or less forced to live together because of a lot of different circumstances that I’d rather not go into detail about. I believe that this “forced” living together was what started to strangle the relationship. We weren’t ready for it, and it was thrust upon us much too quickly.

Fast-forward a bit. My boyfriend has just finished university and has landed what is pretty much his dream job. Before he starts his job though, he wants to go travelling. I, obviously, cannot go because I’m still working on my degree. I don’t raise any complaints though. I know that my boyfriend has always had a case of wanderlust (as do I), so I let him go (and made him promise to take a lot of pictures. ).

He leaves and is on his own, travelling/backpacking overseas for a month. About half-way through his trip, I notice that he’s responding to me differently over the phone. I start to get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Previously I had been really excited about his return, but now I was starting to dread it.

So he arrives back home after a month of being away exploring. I hug him… but he doesn’t hug me back. My stomach flip-flops. We sit down, and we talk.

He tells me that he didn’t miss me while he was away on his trip. He tells me that he isn’t “in love” with me anymore, and that he hasn’t been in love with me for a few months. He tells me that he feels like he’s been living a lie.

This, of course, was a lot for me to swallow all at once. I love this guy with every ounce of my being. Anyway, over the course of the next few days, we talk about the situation a little more.

I ask him if we’re officially broken up. I’m met with the answer: “For now.”

I ask if we’ll get back together, he says that he doesn’t know. However, he tells me not to hesitate if someone else comes along to make me happy, and that yes, he may regret this choice.

He tells me that he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. He’s started his new job, and ultimately just wants to be “free.” Almost like starting a new chapter in a book. Perfect timing to ditch a girl.

We’re still going to remain friends, and I even helped him move his things out of our apartment. It’s strange though. I really just get the feeling that he’s confused, possibly afraid, and really doesn’t know what he wants.

The romantic in me wants to wait loyally for him. However, the realist in me says no. If I wait I’m just going to hurt more and possibly go insane. I can’t put my life on pause for him. /I’m/ important too.

Right now I’m just giving him space, and giving him time to think. I think that him moving out was the first step in the right direction. Maybe we can make amends and rekindle the relationship. Hell, I’m probably one of the most understanding girls out there. I mean, we got along fantastically when we were together. I just don’t think that he was ready to settle and was afraid of me being “the one.”

However, with that all said, if he loses me forever, it’s his own fault. There’s no one else in the world quite like me, and I know I’m a desirable person. I love him, but I’m not going to waste my life pining over him and living off of the chance that we may get back together.

By: DAVID

DAVID — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:46:31 +0000

here goes, im a 34yr old guy that just got out of a relationship with a 27 yr old girl. we were dating for 3 years and living together for the last 2. she has a 10 yr old daughter that i got really attached to and she seemed to have gotten really attached to me. we had both just gotten out of relationships when we first met and were friends for a while before actually getting together and both were unfaithful in the beginning but decided to stay together and try to make it work. during the last year i was told either i married her or there should be no reason to stay together any longer or that i needed to make some kind of a committment to her by at least buying her a ring or getting engaged which i never did. she decided to end it and i moved out over 3 months ago i tried talking to her about making it work the next week but she said she had heard it all before. i havent beggged or texted or called or anything. but its been about 3 weeks now with no contact as we were still getting together, going to dinner, out to lunch and she has still shown alot of emotion and feelings towards me as i to her and im wondering if this relationship is even salvagable? i know shes been dating someone and so have i. but i care about her and her daughter and am wondering if i should give it another try or just leave things alone? any advice would be appreciated thank you