Poor email etiquette. You’ve been a victim of it and perhaps you’re even a guilty criminal. From unknown abbreviations, forwarded chain emails, and unwanted messages, we’re all bound to be affected from bad email etiquette both socially and in the workplace. You can’t reach through your computer cables to retrieve a sent email, so you need to follow good email etiquette, commonly known as “netiquette”.

A USA Today article in April, 2008, reveals that Microsoft has 256.2 million users with Yahoo! not to far behind with a total of 254.6 million users. Additionally, with Google having 91.6 million users and AOL having 48.9 million users, it’s obvious the majority of people with Internet access use email as a way to communicate. Now for the real shocker: Tim Sanders, former Chief Solutions Officer of Yahoo!, estimates that 90% of business communication is email based and that 10% of email users receive adequate training. So chances are, your workplace and business is suffering from poor email etiquette.

While I never try to be overly professional in emails, because too much formality and jargon can destroy good communication, there are some rules and tips you need to use. These tips for good email etiquette are not limited to business and the workplace, but the majority of tips apply to general everyday emails. Following the rules I’m about to give you will ensure you benefit from clearer communication and your emails get the proper understanding they deserve. From sitting down to sending an email, here’s the most important netiquette rules you need to follow:

1. Emotional emails. Don’t send an email when you are angry. Not only will you say things you later regret, but the receiver of your little outburst will be able to keep a record of your emotionally-filled email. Too many careers have been destroyed from angry emails. In fact, I recommend you reread your email to check for sentences, phrases, and words that can be possibly interpreted another way than what you intended. A simple joke that you think is funny may be offensive to someone else simply because they misinterpreted the joke. The lack of nonverbal communication in email makes it a poor medium for communicating emotions.

2. Unnecessary information. Most people waste too much time browsing their inbox the way it is without having to read long messages. Do people a favor and keep your emails short. Provide the necessary facts. The less you say, the better. Having said that, you still need to provide all the information upfront if you can. It’s frustrating and time-consuming to have to email back asking questions for information that should have been provided in the initial email.

3. HTML. You don’t need to know what exactly HyperText Markup Language (HTML) is, but basically it is used to make websites look pretty. Making text bold in email uses HTML. When you copy and paste emails from websites, you may also unknowingly copy the HTML code across. The HTML in the email you send does not always look like the email someone receives. Funnily, the message sent is not the message received. Some email programs are not HTML compatible so when they receive HTML emails, weird HTML code might show and other formatting issues may occur.

Simply provide a website link if you’re going to copy an entire web page. If you want to copy snippets of information, not only do you risk breaking copyright laws, but at your discretion you can copy the text across to a text file program (such as Notepad, not Microsoft Word) and then copy the text from there into your email program. Copying the text to a text file program, such as Notepad, removes HTML and prevents weird formatting issues.

4. Reply to all. It’s frustrating receiving emails from group members who simply say “Yes, I can come.” or “No.” when you do not need to receive them. Stop being lazy. Please take the small amount of time to address your email to the specific people you’re email is intended for.

5. Forwarding to all. I’m a big victim of this email mistake! When subscribing to my newsletter, I advise the person to add me to their address book or whitelist to ensure my emails reach them. Having an email list that contains tens of thousands of people, I’m in many people’s address book. Often, subscribers receive an email and forward it to everyone in their address book. The result for me is a daily cleanup of forwarded emails, which often contain attachments that clog data efficiency. Chain emails are so annoying! The next time you get an email with a poem, story, or series of images you love, keep them to yourself. A story about patience that you think is lovely, and end-up forwarding to your friends may infuriate them.

6. Making people’s email addresses known. It’s considered rude when you send out an email to several people making their email address visible in the “To” box. Unless the people know each other and are comfortable in sharing their email addresses, you need to avoid this bad mistake. You can use the Bcc (blind carbon copy) function of emails to hide recipients’ email addresses.

7. Removed message thread. Here’s another email etiquette mistake that I’m a victim of everyday: Not having the replied message in the sent message. Not having the replied message in the sent message is almost the face-to-face conversational equivalent of being bashed across the head and forgetting what was discussed in the conversation. Based on the hundreds of emails I receive everyday, I’d estimate 10% of people do not ensure the message they are replying to is attached. As someone who can have discussions going on with many people at the same time, I don’t always remember what was sent in an email someone has replied to.

Make it easy for people to know what you are talking about by ensuring their message you are replying to is attached. Google’s email service, Gmail, is great at keeping track of past messages. Be sure to change your email settings so that messages you reply to get included in your reply.

8. Use of abbreviations. Friend to friend or family member to family member, abbreviations can be fine. It’s entirely up to you. But problems arise when abbreviation usage in emails carries over into the workplace and other areas where professionalism is needed. Here’s a useful video on email etiquette that I thought you might find interesting:

A three minute Fox Providence presentation discussing email etiquette. It focuses on professionalism by avoiding abbreviations.

9. Unknown abbreviations. AFAIK 404 but I’ll POAHF because I TILII. Don’t know what that means? Very few people do. It means: As far as I know I have no clue, but I’ll put on a happy face because I tell it like it is.

Good email etiquette involves avoiding the use of unknown abbreviations. Though you can get away with abbreviations when emailing friends for example, because it is an efficient technique after all, communication problems occur when the receiver doesn’t know the abbreviation! What may seem apparent to you is not necessarily apparent to someone else. How would you like it if a friend sent you an email with ADO, YOOAD, WWMT, and other weird abbreviations? (I just made up those last few ) You’d feel annoyed at having to clarify something the person should realize in the first place.

10. Poor subject heading. Leaving the subject field empty or simply putting “Re:” is avoiding an important function of email communication. When someone receives an email, they usually quickly scan the subject heading of each email to see what emails need to be firstly addressed. Your goal in personal emails isn’t to write the most captivating subject heading so people open your email. Write an honest and specific subject heading that reflects your email message. Instead of writing “HELP!!” to your telecommunications company, you could write “Help Needed With Phone Wires”. Sometimes, if I think a subject heading is important for personal emails, I can take up to a minute to come up with a good subject.

11. Poor sent time. Be weary of the time you send your email. This mistake is dependent on a few things. Firstly, with the worldwide connectivity and never-ending discussion available over the Internet, it doesn’t matter what time you send an email to someone living in a different time zone. Secondly, some people just don’t care what time you sent your email as they only care about reading what you have to say. You do however, need to be careful of the time you send emails to some people such as coworkers, managers, and clients for example. A job candidate’s email containing a resume sent to the human resources department at 3am will not look good as it sits in the inbox. It may possibly jeopardize the job candidate’s chances of working with the company. Send an email at another time if you think the recipient will judge you poorly based on the time you send it.

12. Excessive Capitalization. IT’S CONSIDERED RUDE TO TYPE IN CAPITALS. Typing in capitals is the digital equivalent of yelling in someone’s face. Hopefully, you wouldn’t yell in someone’s face so don’t do it digitally. On the other end of the spectrum, don’t type all your text in lower case. It’s simple grammar.

13. No spell checking. I’ve been guilty of this a few times and have been pulled-up by the grammar police for teaching communication and misspelling words (apparently I’m not allowed to misspell words!). For the more formal type of email, it helps to spell check your email. Most popular email providers should provide the option of spell checking.

14. Poor use of attachments. Any email attachment over one mega byte (approximately 1000KB) is pushing email etiquette rules. Not everyone has broadband or cable, and these people do not want to spend 5 minutes downloading an unnecessary file. For large attachments, you’re better of using file upload services such as Mega File Upload and 2shared. Another rule for email attachments is considering the format of your attachment. Not everyone will be able to make use of a file that has a .odt extension.

15. Requesting delivery and read receipts. For me personally, there are two people that come to mind who always use this option. Perhaps you know a few individuals who always request a delivery and read receipt? This is an unreliable and annoying way of checking to see if someone has received your email. If you need to check whether your email was received or not, ask the person in your email to reply saying that they got your message. If your message is really that important, which it rarely is over email, you should phone the person. Don’t blame the recipient of your email for a problem you can control.

16. Write. Send. Edit. That’s in the wrong order if you are using good email etiquette. Obviously. We sometimes think about editing our email once we’ve sent it. Get this common email mistake in the right order: 1) Write, 2) Edit, and 3) Send. Wow! Submit. Done.

This is a book review of Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values .

I do a fair amount of reading books, listening to CDs, and watching DVDs on topics related to communication. Prior to investing in my self-education when purchasing such material, I will always research what is worth learning from so that I don’t waste my time learning from fluff and garbage. Even when I frequently choose the best material and devour it, I have discovered a select few that stand above the rest. There are very few books that I’ve stumbled upon that I refer to as a must-must-read for everybody. Nonviolent Communication is one of these rare books every person needs to read.

Author Marshall Rosenberg, in 1984 founded the Center for Nonviolent Communication. It is a non-profit organization that teaches people throughout the world Nonviolent Communication (NVC). Marshall Rosenberg and a few hundred trainers run workshops where they coach people on the NVC method. The book, Nonviolent Communication, is a way of learning the processes that give people power and joy which is taught in the organization’s workshops.

The primary concept in Nonviolent Communication is observing, feeling, needing, and requesting. The observing part of this model is worth its own weight in gold. By learning to observe without intoxicating the observation with evaluation, I can guarantee your communication and relationships will improve to high levels of intimacy and connectedness that are otherwise not possible in absence of the techniques. Knowing how to successfully “take in” another person’s communication is very powerful.

An important understanding in the book you need to have is that our actions and other’s actions, whether poorly expressed in an argument through yelling and swearing, is derived from our own and the other person’s respective needs. When someone is stubborn, name-calling, or shouting hatred to you right in front of your face, we often don’t know how to successfully deal with the situation. Understanding how our needs play out in these situations so we can effectively communicate is a powerful aspect the book repeatedly teaches.

A major difference in the way men and women communicate is in the motives for communicating. Men are very objective based while women tend to communicate more for intimacy. This difference often means men fail to empathize or show concern to a woman in a way that is understanding to her. I’m not saying women are better communicators than men, but that a poor expression of empathy or lack of it is a common problem in relationships for guys. Women still definitely need to learn how to correctly express empathy, but it is needed more so for men as they are generally oblivious to empathizing. Having empathy in a relationship is what builds “connection” – something each of us desperately seek in our relationships.

The methods in Nonviolent Communication teach you how to successfully build a connection in your relationships throughout everyday conversations and in intense conflict. It is when we are in conflict that we seek to be listened to and understood the most. Nonviolent Communication will show you how to exactly make this relationship building connection in the midst of heated arguments and relationship destroying fights so the conflict builds the relationship. The book is the best I’ve come across so far on empathy.

I believe that once you have read Nonviolent Communication, you will quickly pass on your copy to your partner and family members; maybe even encourage coworkers and your boss to buy their copy. The book contains methods we all would love to be used on us as the techniques are appealing to healthy relationships, individual well-being, and happiness. In fact, there are a few chapters in Nonviolent Communication that are dedicated to using the NVC techniques on yourself such that you are more able to manage anger and prepare yourself to communicate better. NVC is about increasing compassion and giving from the heart through a better flow of communication in ourselves and with others.

Marshall Rosenberg has used NVC to advise country leaders on overcoming intense political conflict, help gangs who used to kill each other to now live in peace, and assist bullies at school to become refocused on getting along with their peers. NVC is a method for improving how we communicate in all our relationships. Nonviolent Communication is one of those rare books I wish every individual on the face of this planet would read as the techniques are widely applicable and greatly beneficial.

The only minor problems I have with Nonviolent Communication is that the methods taught require you to care about the other person. You need to be willing to focus on other’s needs otherwise the whole NVC method is rendered useless. For this reason, I think the majority of people who read the book will be using these techniques in their most important relationships instead of everyday conversations because it can be draining to constantly focus on other people. However, your relationships will be changed forever and the extra effort required to be empathic will be worth it.

In 200 well-written pages, it is an easy read. I finished this book in two days as it had me hooked. The methods are very few which make it further easier to understand and implement in your life. The book has interesting stories with dialog that shows the techniques in real-life situations. There is also a few poems and large quotes mixed throughout the book to nicely accentuate points.

I can’t recommend Nonviolent Communication highly enough. You will find the book extremely helpful even if you consider yourself to not be a violent communicator. I have a very good understanding of empathy and conflict, yet I still was able to get a tonne of great information from this book. You can grab your copy of Nonviolent Communication from Amazon by clicking here today.

Videos

Marshall Rosenberg discusses how NVC developed and how the method of communication compares with dominance and other forms of superiority.

Again, go grab your copy of Nonviolent Communication from Amazon today by clicking here.

Eben Pagan is more popularly known as David DeAngelo from the Double Your Dating empire. Eben’s dating company does over $20 million in sales and is the 800 pound gorilla of the industry.

I initially knew Eben as David after having read through and watched many of his dating materials so that I could teach others how to attract men/women. Now, it is interesting for me to see the “flip side” as Eben discusses how he became successful in launching a million dollar empire out of his bedroom around the year of 2000.

He has a little series of videos where he is interviewed by Joe Polish. The videos provide great tips for hiring people, which you can conveniently watch below. By hiring the right people, you can save the company: up to two million dollars, a lot of unnecessary conflict, wasted energy, opportunity costs, and mental drain.

Hiring Tips #1

We hate overbearing and controlling managers, but it isn’t unusual for us to turn into those people once we get into similar positions of power. This video also contains great advice on how to form successful teams where its members are all happy and productive.

Hiring Tips #2

A funny and very common mistake in the hiring process and how to successfully overcome it.

Hiring Tips #3

Powerful advice on hiring “drivers”. Also, contains tips on how to help people perform at the beginning of their job.

Hiring Tips #4

Some insightful ways of observing productivity in a virtual versus brick and mortar organization. This video also has some very useful advice on changing your perspective on what to look for when hiring people for those “basic” jobs like customer service and having them evolve into star performers.

This is a book review of Neil Strauss’ The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists.

The Game is a truly fantastic read. Author, Neil Strauss, takes the reader through his life changing journey of transformation from a geek to a woman magnet. He starts out as an unconfident, shy, passive, and introverted writer for The New York Times who within two years becomes one of the world’s greatest pick-up artists (PUAs).

A pick-up artist is a man who goes out and attracts women with his tremendous communication skills. Though they don’t refer to the skills as “communication skills,” the many pick-up artists throughout The Game are extremely competent in reading a woman’s body language, keeping her interested, and having great conversations. The PUAs with their fine-tuning to improve their skills, rapid adaption to the situation, routines, and high awareness put the majority of people who learn communication skills to shame.

Each character in The Game has his own name which the pick-up artists refer to one another by. The author, Neil Strauss, goes by the name of “Style” and learns these pick-up skills with guys like Extramask, Juggler, and WideFace from the pioneers in the field who are Mystery and Ross Jeffries.

Neil Strauss is the main character in the book. After reading a bit about pick-up skills online from what they call a “lair” where guys learn how to attract women, Style meets up with Mystery at a workshop for the first time who is with a friend and fellow instructor by the name of Sinn. Mystery and Sinn both begin to instruct Style and two other students on what to expect at the workshop.

On the first night, the two instructors blow the students’ minds away as they see the instructors attract women before their very eyes. The three students are caught in disbelief as their past beliefs of only good-looking guys get the hot women are destroyed (most characters in the book are unattractive). The following nights at the workshop where the student’s begin to practice are filled with failure yet they manage the occasional successful approach which excite the students.

Style gets hooked on the whole pick-up subject and soon commits to making the decision to get this part of his life solved. He becomes sick of not being able to talk to women and sets out on a journey to become ultra successful with women. After learning from the many greats like his best friend, Mystery, attending seminars, practicing and failing, and reading many books on various topics, Style soon becomes one of the world’s best at picking-up women.

These guys have an amazing ability to penetrate a group of 10 people consisting of 9 men and 1 woman and come out with the woman’s phone number. There is a scene in the book where a character by the name of Mystery (arguably the World’s greatest PUA) basically steals Scott Baio’s girlfriend who is a very attractive lady. Mystery achieves this by firstly befriending Scott. He approaches the group by performing magic tricks to demonstrate a higher value which sets him apart from other men. Scott’s girlfriend urges Mystery to show her more tricks which he ignores. Because of her requests, Mystery occasionally negs her by making comments to Scott like “Is she always this demanding?” In under 20 minutes, Scott’s girlfriend is handing Mystery her phone number (number-close).

As you can probably tell, the attraction community is filled with their own jargon like negging (a gentle put-down), average frustrated chump (AFC – typical guy who isn’t good with women), indicator of interest (IOI – a sign of interest a woman displays), and demonstration of higher value (DHV) to name a few of the many terms. Pick-up artists or soon-to-be pick-up artists go sarging in-field (meaning they go out to practice their pick-up skills on women). The men mostly go in-field for “night game” at night-clubs and bars though there are a few pick-up scenes at “day game” venues like bookshops in the The Game. In fact, the first day game approach Neil Strauss did was a success in number-closing a Playmate of the year.

There’s other famous situations like when a character by the name of Papa number-closed Paris Hilton at a taco store. Another one is when Courtney Love moved into the pick-up artist’s house – named “Project Hollywood” – during Courtney’s legal battle. This situation goes on for a few chapters with Courtney having a funny “Muffin Day” and “Lemonade Day” where she makes mass amounts of muffins and lemonade for the guys. Also, later on in the book when Neil Strauss has mastered pick-up skills, he interviews a resistant Britney Spears for The New York Times. After running a few routines on her, Britney all of a sudden opens up and begins to heavily participate in the interview.

The Game does contain the occasional swearing and adult scenes. The book is written in a novel format which had me hooked word-for-word. I rarely read novels but Neil integrates a narrational style of writing on the scenes that take place by educating the reader with what is going on at a deeper level as the skills are used. You are taken inside the mind of pick-up artists as you discover the various and intriguing skills they use. You really do penetrate the secret society of pick-up artists.

The Game is a fantastic book. Those who aren’t familiar with the pick-up community will find this truly interesting. If this whole topic interests you, go and get your copy of Neil Strauss’ The Game directly from Amazon.com by clicking here today. Next, check-out the videos below where Neil (the bald guy) discusses his book and some of the techniques on various T.V. shows.

Videos

ABC Primetime Special

Neil Strauss on Jimmy Kimmel Live

Get your copy here.