We fear being alone; we fear being crowded. We fear the doctor; we fear living with health problems. We fear the opposite sex; we fear not knowing the opposite sex. We fear making decisions; we fear of not making an impact. We fear problems; we fear opportunities. We fear failure; we fear success. We fear job interviews; we fear unemployment. We fear asserting ourselves; we fear not asserting ourselves. We fear being pushed; we fear being pulled. We fear breaking up a relationship; we fear staying in the relationship. We fear meeting someone; we fear meeting no one.

Wow! Talk about a crazy list of contrasting fears! The truth about fears is they are crazy and irrational. What fears do you experience which you think are unique to you? What are the fears that drive you crazy?

As you’ve seen in the beginning of this article, we fear one side of the story while at the very same time we can fear the other side of the story. It is possible to fear talking to someone new, and fear not meeting new people, at the same time because fear hides the truth.

The experiences fear gives you are a smoke screen. It makes you irrational. Fear hides the truth from you. Literally, the acronym for fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear doesn’t want you to know the truth about itself and yourself.

The fears we experience are immobilizing. They paralyze us from taking action and achieving what we want. We can want something, but fear sends what seems like the equivalent of a massive electromagnetic pulse through our body as it shuts down our physical functioning.

According to Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, there are five truths about fear. Whatever it is you fear, provided that the fear is not physically dangerous like doing drugs, the following five truths apply:

Truth #1

The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.

Our ancestors experienced fear because they were threatened from dangerous animals or life threatening environments. Fear has its evolutionary purpose as it serves to protect. Whatever it is you fear, the fear tricks you into thinking it is danger. It tells you the thing you fear will cause pain. It tricks you into thing you won’t be able to handle it.

Don’t be one of those people who expect to live a fearless life. As Thomas Leonard so bluntly and wonderfully put it, “Fear is natural. Be with it.” Fear can, and will, diminish in the things which you immerse yourself. However, once you explore new unknown territory, new fears will arise. I know it isn’t nice to hear that, but I’m hear to tell you the truth about fear that fear doesn’t want you to know. It is far more comforting and exciting to experience growth and live in fear than to live paralyzed by fear.

Truth #2

The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.

Truth number two sounds contradictory to truth number one, but be assured that both truths are still truths. Fear will always exist in your life, but it doesn’t have to exist in the things that you do. When we do the thing we fear, whether it was a facade or not, we come to build confidence in our ability to handle the situation. Fear decreases.

We fear because uncertainty looms in our ability to handle what gets delivered to us. “Fear comes from uncertainty.” said William Congreve. “When we are absolutely certain, whether of our worth or worthlessness, we are almost impervious to fear.”

Anthony Robbins said, “Do what you fear, and the death of fear is certain.” Action will conquer fear any day of the week, month, and year of your life. By acting in the face of fear, you transform the uncertain into the certain as the unknown becomes known.

Truth #3

The only way to feel better about myself is to go out and do it.

When filled with a fear, we reason to ourselves that we will take action when we feel better about ourselves. “When I’m ready, I’ll…” “If I can… then I’ll…” “I’ll wait till I’m…” Stop waiting for whatever it is you are wanting to change. Change your ability to take action.

While self-esteem boosts you ability to take action, go the quicker and more direct route: take action to boost your self-esteem. The feelings of confidence will then build on themselves, like a good financial investment, leading to more and more positive feelings about yourself. Stop wanting to be a fearless public speaker before doing public speaking. Do public speaking to be a fearless public speaker.

The myth of truth number three, “I’ll feel better about myself before doing it”, is reverse thinking to the truth. You will not feel a better person, or have more self-belief in your ability, until you do the thing which you fear. It is when you dive into action that you begin to feel good about yourself; not the other way around.

Truth #4

Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.

It is very comforting and reassuring to hear truth number four. Reassuring statements have a danger to delude one from reality and the hard truth. Nonetheless, it is truth that everyone else experiences fear in unfamiliar territory. Every public speaker and writer I have known suffers, or suffered, from fears and insecurities of the judgments of others.

Fear is hardwired into the human mind. Fear wants you to think that your fears are unique psychological problems. Fear is an educational problem. Draw comfort from knowing that those around you, and those who you envy, also experience or once experienced the very fear you feel is unique to you. It is the insecurities we feel and deem unique to us that unite us.

Truth #5

Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.

Although fear encompasses uncertainty, the certainty of living a fearful life is more scary. The fear of being ill is more scary than seeing a doctor. The fear of having a divorce is more scary than addressing a tough relationship problem. The fear of having no friends is more scary than approaching someone. “Courage is not the absence of fear,” said Ambrose Redmoon, “but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”

Repeat each of these truths at least 20 times every morning and night. When you continually affirm the truth, you will accept it as truth. You will no longer be tricked by fear. I’m excited to have finally revealed the truth about fear to you.

Don’t let fear fool you. It is after all False Evidence Appearing Real. Follow the five truths in this article and you will see the light which fear hides from your eyes. The truth exists, you just need to see it. Live a fear-filled life!

Alexander Graham Bell said, “What this power is I cannot say; all I know is that it exists and it becomes available only when a man is in that state of mind in which he knows exactly what he wants and is fully determined not to quit until he finds it.” Napoleon Hill said, “The starting point of all achievement is desire.” Abraham Lincoln said, “You can have anything you want – if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose.”

For over a century man has tapped into this mysterious emotional state that gets him want he wants. This power isn’t the law of attraction which requires you to be in harmony with the universe, rather it is a power that will get you anything when you damn well want it bad enough.

Days, weeks, months, years, or decades have past since you had a large goal you wanted. When you were 10 years old, maybe you dreamed of playing basketball for the NBA. When you left school, maybe you dreamed of running your own business and achieving financial freedom. When you left college, maybe you dreamed of finding the love of your life and having a great family. Recently, maybe you dreamed of a promotion or a great holiday.

Take a moment now to think of your dreams or goals that you had in the past but did not achieve – not what you want now; but what you had in the past. They don’t have to be childhood goals. As I teach communication, try to make it an aspiration you once had in your relationships or a communication skill. Perhaps you wanted a happy and intimate relationship with your husband or wife, or to have open communication with your children. Maybe it could have been to confidently talk to the opposite sex, give public presentations, or to socialize. Nonetheless, your aspirations can be from last week when you desired to go on that elusive holiday or attend a club.

The reason I’ve asked you to take a look at the goals and dreams you’ve failed to manifest into reality is to help you identify an underlying cause as to why you have failed to achieve what you once desired. I’m helping you discover the few reasons, which are hidden to you and most people, that prevent you from obtaining your goals as I’m a strong believer in learning from my mistakes and the past – as well as other people’s mistakes and their past. Identifying repetitious behaviors that cause you to fail allows you to categorize those behaviors as the “enemy”. Once you’ve identified and investigated the enemy: you know its strength, how it attacks, and the moves it makes – all information you need to formulate a strategy to destroy the enemy and become victorious. (For more information, I recommend you read an article I’ve written on how to set achievable goals with the SMART method. The article lists the common reasons why people don’t set goals and how to correctly set them.)

Over the years, I’ve come to realize a repetition in my own behavior that has prevented me from achieving past goals. These natural tendencies still affect me today – though to a much lesser degree. Two common enemies that I face in achieving my goals is the fear of criticism and fear of failure. One deals with getting people’s approval, the other is based around having wasted time in trying to achieve something that I did not end-up obtaining. For the latter, I’ve felt that I was better off not trying to get something if I was not going to get it in the end. Guess where this reasoning got me?

Talking to myself that I should not bother getting something that I really want because I won’t get it had conflicting effects. On one hand, here is something I wanted. On the other, was this little voice saying, “You’re not going to get it so don’t bother.” I still wanted what I had desired (but obviously not bad enough) so I did little things to help me get closer to that goal or dream, but I never got there because it was a half-ass effort that came through the thought that I could not achieve what I wanted. Moreover, these two problems I have when I fail to achieve a goal come from a lack of this emotional power I am speaking of throughout this article. “A person should set his goals as early as he can and devote all his energy and talent to getting there.” said Walt Disney, famous motion-picture producer and pioneer of animated cartoon films. “With enough effort, he may achieve it. Or he may find something that is even more rewarding. But in the end, no matter what the outcome, he will know he has been alive.”

When facing problems upfront, they look like a boulder. One aim of goal setting and this article is to pull you back from the boulders in your life to make them a little pebble in the distance. Changing your perspective from short-term to long-term transforms a large obstacle into something small and manageable. Keeping perspective in difficult times allows you to continue moving forward and easily overcome obstacles that exist between you and your desired destination. The negative self-talk, actions, surroundings, or people in your life that act as the predictable “enemy” in preventing you from achieving your goals and dreams are a boulder. The boulder can be transformed with a change of perspective, which I hope to have already given you in this article.

As you can tell, I’m not beating on the usual goal setting techniques – like ensuring you take action – but the unique psychological and emotional destruction that goes on in your mind that displaces you from what you want. This is where the real secret of achievement lies. The majority of people know the vital need to take action on anything they want; though few act on the advice because they end-up discovering they don’t want the goal bad enough to achieve it.

In achieving your communication and personal development desires, goals, and dreams, I believe there are two characteristics that need to be emphasized in the goal setting process. Both deal with passion and having a fire in the belly attitude. Actually, I don’t like to use the word “goals” in combination with words that signify a deep desire because when you want something bad enough you don’t need to set goals. Your desires automatically become something you want without you having to sit down and write them as goals.

Think of something you wanted so badly that nothing stopped you from getting it. This is the passionate desire I want you to cultivate. Contrast this passion to something you thought “would be nice”, but didn’t achieve because you didn’t want it bad enough. Maybe you wanted to learn the guitar because you thought it would be a nice skill to have, but you didn’t reach the goal because you didn’t have desire. Of all things in achieving your goals, your desire is the ultimate determinant of success; though I’ve come to notice their vital importance in ensuring you improve yourself in realizing your communication and personal development goals.

1. Defining What You Want

“You will suddenly realize that the reason you never changed before was because you didn’t want to.” – Robert H. Schuller

“When you know what you want, and want it bad enough, you will find a way to get it.” – Jim Rohn

“Modern man lives under the illusion that he knows what he wants, while he actually wants what he is supposed to want.” – Erich Fromm

The first step to achieving what you want in your personal development journey is knowing exactly what you want. I’m guessing that you already think you know what you want, but you probably don’t. Perhaps it’s even a vague desire which creates a slow, unenergized pursuit. It is only when you accurately define what you want that you can get what you want. You will aim with precision when focusing on a target that is clear to you.

Let’s say that you want to be able to make small talk with anyone. You would love to have the skill of being able to approach someone and start a conversation. However, wanting to make small talk with anyone isn’t what you really want. What you really want is a host of things that small talk fulfills. Meaning, you don’t just want the skill of being able to talk to anyone for the sake of being able to talk to anyone. Your desire to talk with anyone has motives beneath that desired skill. Successfully being able to approach someone and start a conversation is a means of fulfilling that want.

One reason you could want to make small talk with anyone is to be able to control your fears when meeting new people. Another reason is to network more effectively so that you can grow your business. Another is feeling more secure around people. All these are emotional motives that drive your decision making.

Do you want to raise happy children and other things that are best for your family? If you want what’s best for your family, you are probably lying to yourself. I’m not saying you don’t want what is good for your family; what I am saying is the underlying motives behind the reasoning “I want what’s best for my family” deals with your personal desires.

Perhaps seeing your family safe and secure makes you feel happy and comforted. Knowing your children are happy validates your parenting skills. Other parents seeing your successful children make you feel proud. Maybe you want successful children to make up for the failures in your life, or you don’t want to be frowned upon and humiliated by other parents. These outcomes are probably what you really want when desiring the best for your family.

I want you to do an exercise now. It is a wonderful catapult to achieving your goals and successful personal development. Get out a paper and pen, and draw two columns. You will want the second column to be twice the size of the first column. This exercise is large and will take several hours. You may want to do it in two-sittings, but the goal setting process should be energizing to you and so you may be able to get it done in just the one-sitting.

In the first column on the left, label it “What I Want”. Obviously, under this you will write down what you want. To help you determine what you want, remove all constraints around your desires. Forget about what you know or have. Stop letting the past limit your future. Remove financial, intellectual, and relationship constraints.

It’s absolutely necessary that you remove “buts” in reasoning to yourself what you want because I don’t want you to reason to yourself what you want. The analytical part of our mind can hurt the emotional part of our mind. For example, “I want to work as a public speaker… but I’m not good at speaking. But I don’t know how to get started. But you can’t make money.” All these stupid constraints trick you into avoiding your desires. Most of these limiting thoughts are created with the your limiting beliefs. Using the public speaking example of not knowing how to get started, have you actually asked a public speaker how they got started? If this is your goal, I’m betting you haven’t. It’s crazy how we remove ourselves from our desires through this silly rationalizing process.

In determining your career path, ask yourself what you would do if money wasn’t a consideration. Ask yourself what you would do if you had the necessary training. Ask yourself what you would do if you knew the right people. Remove all constraints and find what greatly turns you on. I’m talking about a desire of 100 on a scale from 1 to 100 where 100 is the most intense.

Another thought to help you accurately define what you want is to not fall into the illusion of wanting what other people want. Society has norms and expectations that can mold your desires. I understand that not everyone will want to enter into marriage. Think deeply about what your goals really mean to you. Passion is more about caring than finding the right thing. You’ll be surprised at the many things you can be passionate about once you start caring.

As a verification step to knowing what you want, you can test to see if this desire is truly what you want by running a mental theater of what it will look, feel, smell, hear, and taste like when you achieve the goal. Those experiences that excite you are what you want. They are your goal. Don’t ask yourself, “What are my goals?” Ask yourself, “What would excite me and why?” See what excites you by running through intense visualizations. The things that excite you are what you hungrily pursue in life and ultimately achieve.

Once you have defined what you want, do the exercise by writing these desires down on the piece of paper under the heading “What I Want”. In the same column, I encourage you to go one step further by using the SMART method. You write down your desire, but then next to it you also write down it in a specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and tangible form. Write no more than five goals for now, unless you otherwise want to, because of the time it will take to correctly do the exercise.

If you’re still struggling to figure out your desires, don’t forget to remove all constraints. Also, stopping the exercise for a few hours will allow your subconscious to go to work and define what you want. Additionally, I recommend you get Jack Zufelt’s program How To Use The Conquering Force Within You to learn more about defining what you want (I earn nothing from referring you to Jack’s program).

If you’re finished, well done. You’ve defined what you want. Not many people will ever do what you just did which sets you apart from others. This will do for now as you will use the second column in the second step of this article.

Having accurately defined what you want, the next step is stimulating an intense hunger to get what you want. This second section could be said as unnecessary, because if you really want something than you will already have an intense hunger. Nonetheless, we experience demotivation from failure and have our down-days for everything, which the second section is aimed to solve. If you didn’t hunger, you would hardly eat. Consume the advice in this following section and you’ll successfully be devouring your passions.

2. Creating An Emotional Craving

“The starting point of all achievement is desire.” – Napoleon Hill

“You can have anything you want – if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with all your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The process of arousal begins by thinking about someone you find attractive. Thoughts create vivid images that lead to a growing intensity of feelings. As your feelings intensify, blood flow increases to certain parts, breathing heightens, and your skin becomes sensitive. If you continue to immerse yourself in such imagery, eventually you will feel the need to act on those feelings.

What if you could create an equivalent – if not more intense – desire as physical arousal to achieve your personal development goals? The process of achieving your goals isn’t very different to arousal. Thoughts lead to vivid imagery which creates intense feelings. Soon enough you just have to act on those feelings because it becomes too much for you to not chase your goal.

You can stimulate passion using the various techniques in this article, but I want you to keep in mind that your goal must be what you defined in the first stage of the article because intense desire comes from a result of pursuing something you want – though passion can always be increased using a variety of techniques. By learning how to create a desire for what you have clearly defined, you will pursue your goals with a passion. Once a human being becomes passionate and persistent towards a goal, not many events in the world can stop him or her from achievement.

Nelissen, Dijker, and de Vries in their 2007 study titled Emotions and Goals: Assessing Relations Between Values and Emotions emphasis the importance of emotions in achieving goals:

“An emotional state is characterized by a motivational tendency to the attainment or maintenance of a particular, emotion-specific end-state. Some [studies] have further proposed that the goal-directed nature of behavioral consequences of emotions is adaptive, thus portraying emotions as solutions to obstacles and opportunities of physical and social survival.”

As a basic example of the importance of emotions in goal-attainment, let’s say you are on holidays visiting some beautiful landmarks and you are driving-up a steep mountain. You get to the top of the mountain and make your way to an eye-grabbing location that is right on the mountain’s edge. There’s no fencing or boundaries placed that control where you can walk on top of the mountain. As you approach the mountain’s edge, you see the steep fall and quickly take a few steps back to be safe.

The emotion in this example is fear of danger to ensure you achieve your goal of safety. If you had zero fear of falling off the cliff, the chances of you falling – and failing your goal of safety – increase because you are closer to danger than if you stepped away from the cliff. Your emotions helped you obtain your goal. The process of arousal is exactly the same.

Behind each goal you have, there exists an emotional void that you seek to fulfill. Aristotle taught that the desire for happiness is the reason for each of our own actions. It is the ultimate goal
every human being pursues. Though knowing that you desire happiness, for example in wanting to make small talk with anyone, isn’t much help.

Anthony Robbins made famous the pain-pleasure theory of motivation. The theory states that what we do is either to gain pleasure or avoid pain. Pleasure involves going towards something. Pain involves going away from something. “The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you.” he says. “If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.”

Jim Rohn also summarizes the primary emotions and desires that bring about change, but into four categories:

1. Disgust – This is the pain component of the pain-pleasure theory. Disgust can occur when you’ve had enough and are sick of certain things from occurring. You can have had enough of being shy around people, arguing with people, or being controlled by people. The pain leads to change.
2. Decision – There comes a time in our lives that make or break us. These are fork roads where we need to choose the path on which to travel. Make a decision and move forward in life. A wrong choice can be corrected. It is often outside circumstances that force us to make a decision, such as a partner laying-down an ultimatum that sets the conditions if you are to continue in a relationship.
3. Desire – Outside influences are motivators towards your emotional state. We are influenced by outside things, but we must have an internal desire: a purpose that originates from within.
4. Resolve – Defined by the decision to commit to a circumstance no matter what. Jim Rohn says, “When confronted with such iron-will determination, I can see Time, Fate and Circumstance calling a hasty conference and deciding, ‘We might as well let him have his dream. He’s said he’s going to get there or die trying.’” Nothing can replace commitment. When you know what it is that you clearly want, resolve can automatically happen.

Pain, pleasure, disgust, decision, desire, or resolve. How do you go about stimulating these emotions and actions so that you have the emotional strength to endure the complete journey towards attaining your goals? I believe an awareness of these states are sometimes enough to create them. That is, knowing about disgust can help you create an emotional desire of disgust to change your behavior and achieve a goal.

I feel there is one technique, which I’m about to share with you, that is amazing for building a burning desire to achieve your goals. With this technique you will remove any lack luster efforts and reluctancy to pursue what you want. It is one of the best goal setting techniques you will ever use. The technique is simple, but very, very powerful.

The technique to trigger, spark, and amplify your emotional desires to really hunger for what you want is listing 20 reasons why you want what you do. If there is one method that I frequently depend upon for stimulating a hot passion so that I can pursue my goals with vigor, it is this technique. No other technique gives me a kick of enthusiasm as this one does.

On the piece of paper where we started the exercise earlier, we are now going to fill in the second column. Label the second column as “Why I Want It” and come up with 20 or more reasons why you want what you listed in the first column. Take your time in coming up with the list. 20 reasons or benefits is a lot of work, but the list created from the hours of work in this exercise will be your psychological fuel for achieving your communication and personal development goals in the weeks, months, and years to come.

If you’re having trouble in coming up with good reasons for your goals, then expand on ideas and ask other people for ideas. You can also try to think in themes like: feelings you will experience, how others will see you, physical outcomes, and pain.

Let’s say your goal is to not become angry at family members during family conflict. Here are 10 possible starter points as to why you want that goal:

1. I want to be a good role model for my children.
2. I want my family to feel safe.
3. I want to ensure we have open communication and that no one is scared of talking about certain issues because of my anger.
4. I’m sick of fighting with my family.
5. I want my family to love me as much as possible.
6. I want my family to be relaxed and calm when talking to me; instead of being provoked by my anger.
7. I hate feeling the shame when people in public see my anger.
8. I want to increase intimacy with my partner.
9. I want other parents to look up to me with how I manage my emotions towards my children.
10. I want my children to think back in 10 years time and be grateful on how calm I was towards their difficult behaviors.

The above is a great example of things you can list in your goals. Once you’ve listed at least 20 reasons, I guarantee you that you will be filled with fiery emotions to help you achieve your listed goals.

The exercise works because you create a list that summarizes the sale points which make you “buy into” pursuing your goals. I encourage you to look at your list on a daily basis because of its emotional power in hooking you to achieve your communication and personal development goals. Look at the list frequently and you will remain focused and persistent to your goals.

I believe that one technique by itself is enough to create a burning desire. Regardless, I’ll share more great advice in bullet format on how you can stimulate an emotional craving for your goals so that you pursue them with a dedicated persistence:

• Dress for Success – How often do you see yourself in a mirror or reflection, or look down at what you are wearing during the day? 5 times a day? 5 times a day is 1825 times a year. That is a lot of subtle mental programming. The power of clothing on your mood is amazing. Wear clothing that makes you feel confident and other areas of your life will improve accordingly.
• Using Aggression – Having an important goal should stimulate aggression. Misdirect that aggression and it can become costly. Don’t create another problem with your aggression. Channel your aggression towards a productive goal – what it is intended for – and watch the steam condense into hard results.
• Relive Past Success – Think back to your past successes and relive the experiences in your mind. Past successes are not only stored in your mind, but at the very cellular level throughout your body. Linked to the successes is a winning feeling that you can use to experience more success. On the contrary, think of past failures and you begin to stimulate feelings of failure. For a more in depth teaching of this method and other mental reprogramming techniques, I highly recommend Dr. Maxwell Maltz’s The New Psycho-cybernetics.
• Here and Now – Focus on what you can do in the present to allow your creative imagination the potential to develop solutions.
• Details – The purpose of defining exactly what you want is to assist you in the right direction. Visualizing, feeling, smelling, tasting, and hearing the intrinsic details of your desired state will put you in that winning state. Just as it is with the process of arousal, you can become aroused by experiencing the details of your goals. It is similar to reliving your past successes except you are free to create what you want with this technique. You aren’t controlled with the past.
• Feed Your Mind – You’ll be surprised at how uplifted you get by reading about other people’s passions and successes. Also, consume at least 15 minutes a day of motivational material from the likes of Zig Ziglar, Jack Canfield, and Anthony Robbins. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last.” said Zig Ziglar. “Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
• Create an Ultimatum – Use the desire of resolve that Zig Ziglar explains to create change in your life. Make an absolute condition that if something doesn’t happen, so-and-so consequences will occur. Tell others about this to hold yourself accountable. Sun Tzu in the Art of War knew soldiers fought their hardest when it was a matter of life or death. When soldiers provided the enemy with an escape route, they were given another option to winning or dying, so the enemy soldiers did not fight their hardest. Alternatives and exit strategies make it okay to fail. Do everything in your power to create an ultimatum such that you must succeed or suffer very severe consequences.
• Team Work – Team-up with someone else who wants the same goal. I’m continually amazed at the power of collaboration. When you make your goals known to others and when they have the same goals, the two of you can work together towards a common cause. Each of you becomes more accountable for his or her own actions as you don’t want to let the other person down who is also trying to achieve a similar goal as you. This technique is frequently used in exercising where trainers encourage newcomers to workout with a friend.

Using the many methods and techniques I’ve provided above for stimulating an emotional craving, you’ll be left hungry to devour your goals. You’ll be starving for your goals and begin to pursue them at once.

Be Careful with Your Desires

It may shock you to hear that you need to be careful with what you want and desire. Our goals are usually just one-side of the story. On the other side is a harsh reality that comes attached to your desire. Not all goals you set will have a dark-side, though many aspirations are latched onto a hidden negative aspect.

A person who aspires to develop the necessary skills to build attraction in the opposite sex needs to be prepared to turn people down, hurt people’s feelings, and be hated. A person who wants to be in a high hierarchal position in their company needs to be prepared to downsize, turn down the unemployed, and endure envious colleagues. A person who works towards being a well-known expert in their industry needs to be prepared to endure endless criticism.

The last thing I want to do is scare you from pursuing your personal development goals. My purpose in telling you to be careful with your desires rests in notifying you that the problems you presently have will morph into a different form when you achieve your goal. You can’t expect all your problems to disappear.

Let’s say you achieve a job promotion due to your newly developed and effective communication skills. Your once friendly colleagues, with whom you worked on many projects together as an equal, may despise you. Your problem of wanting a better position in the company for more money and status can change your friends.

The subtle nature about being careful with success is other people’s envy about your achievements. Envy is one emotion a person will not admit. If your colleagues are envious of you, they will rarely admit it. Pride and feelings of importance are powerful. Your achievements can belittle others. You used to be one of them, but now you are a growing person for the better. They see you as a hatched bird flying away from the nest where they permanently remain flightless. The flightless birds sit envious in watching you fly away, chirping for you to come back.

Seeing someone change is discomforting to most people. They may begin to feel inferior and see you as superior to them. The only comfortable resolution to this envious problem is sabotaging your efforts. I’ve heard several stories of husbands secretly sabotaging their wife’s hard work to lose weight and look great, so the husband can remain comfortable in knowing his wife is less attractive to other men which helps him keep her in the marriage.

On one level we have the influential effects of those around you affecting how you behave. On another level these people can be more direct at controlling your behavior through sabotaging your efforts and cutting your wings. You will have people around you who want to hold you back from achieving your goals. They sometimes need to be removed from your life. Don’t have them assassinated. Sometimes it is best to leave your friends.

You are a growing person with a changing life. Be careful with what you wish for because you can get it by following the advice shared in this article. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how to stimulate more passion to get it. This is how you can achieve your goals. I have just given you the secret of success. If you haven’t done the exercise yet, you’re only cheating yourself. Go back and do it now.

Sally walks into a room full of high-flying executives. She scans the room with her eyes and sees the executives dressed in expensive suits, sipping champagne, and mingling amongst each other. As she enters the room, she can’t help but feel “different” to the executives.

She feels the executives are an entire class above her. Maybe it is the executives’ suits while she is just wearing a basic top and skirt that is making her feel “below standard”. Maybe she has this strange difference because she doesn’t know the executives very well and she feels socializing with them is therefore difficult. Or maybe she has what is known as the inferiority complex.

In 1912, a psychologist by the name of Alfred Alder wrote a book titled The Neurotic Character. His research in this book founded a popular area of psychology known as the inferiority complex which is a term used to describe a sense of inferiority an individual feels about oneself towards other people. It revolves around social status, power, ego, and dominance. You will have an inferiority complex when you feel inferior and think that other people are better than you.

Sally in our example is likely to feel inferior if she thinks the executives are better than she is. Her inferiority has nothing to do with not knowing the executives or being different. Dressing differently, not knowing anyone while everyone else knows each other, and having a less prestigious job doesn’t mean she is inferior. Rather, her interpretation of this situation that makes her feel “below standard” creates her inferiority.

An inferiority complex can arise when you experience an imagined or conditioned feeling of inferiority. As is the case for most people, it is a combination of imagination and subtle conditioning. You would feel inferior when an event takes place which makes you feel less than others (conditioning aspect) and your creative imagination (imagination aspect) would “blow out” your understanding of the event beyond what would seem reasonable to another person.

The conditioning aspect in Sally’s example is her actually being different to the executives. She is not wearing the same clothes as the executives nor is she “a part of the group”. The imagination aspect for Sally is her clothes are below their standards, the executives are better than her, the executives want nothing to do with her because of her difference, plus a lot of other possibilities she is likely to think. Let’s discuss the conditioning and creative imaginary aspects deeper.

Conditioning

I would be completely lying and doing everyone a disfavor if I said, “The inferiority complex is all in the mind. Just stop thinking you’re inferior because you’re not.” If it were so simple, then billions of people would not experience feelings of inferiority sometime in their life. The inferiority complex is society’s psychological black plague, spreading and devouring lives.

My main motivation in writing this article was to provide an accurate source of information to overcome the problem based on what works. The information in this article is a collection of the most useful advice on the inferiority complex I’ve synthesized over the years along with specific lessons I’ve developed myself in overcoming my own inferiority complex; unlike personal development teachers I know of who solely emphasis positiveness in overcoming feelings of inferiority.

I did some brief browsing on the web to see what information was available on the inferiority complex, and most of the advice offered is harmful. “Experts” were telling people “things will get better”, “be more positive”, or “it’s not so bad”. If you have the inferiority complex and someone says similar things to you, then you’ll understand the massive frustration caused from the misunderstanding when someone gives you such poor advice.

Positive thinking can be nicely understood through an analogy in a Bible verse. In Luke chapter 5 (NKJV), Jesus was talking to some Pharisees who were complaining. Jesus replied to them in a parable so that they would be more likely to understand:

“No one puts a piece from a new garment on an old one otherwise the new makes a tear, and also the piece that was taken out of the new does not match the old. And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; or else the new wine will burst the wineskins and be spilled, and the wineskins will be ruined.”

The garment and the wineskins examples are what positive thinking does to our self-image. A new patch over the bad garment improves the garment a little bit yet it is still its same old self. If new wine (positive thinking) is poured into old wineskins (your poor self-image of feeling inferior), then nothing good will result. It is a battle of willpower and what is known as creative imagination.

Positive thinking can slightly improve the situation, but in the end it usually results in frustration as our willpower becomes exhausted. Whenever there is a fight between willpower and creative imagination, creative imagination will be the victor. I repeat for emphasis, your creative imagination, which consists of images and feelings, will always conquer your willpower.

From personal experience and coaching others, I know first hand that a better self-image where you do not feel inferior cannot be achieved through positive self-talk, affirmations, and the like. Unfortunately, thousands of people have taught and continue to teach that using positive self-talk will overcome your problems. Positive self-talk is often nothing more than an attempt to live deliriously from reality and ignore what is really taking place.

In chapters 2 and 14 of my Communication Secrets of Making People Like You program, I discuss these issues in depth. We are conditioned by society to believe that being positive during our own problems and when comforting others is a good thing. Nothing could be further from the truth. As a side note, if you are interested in becoming a strong pillar in someone’s life where you are able to emotionally support people, gain their respect, friendship, and remain stable, composed, and poised without feeling depressed or insane, then I highly recommend you get my program here.

The primary factors of the conditioning aspect that determines whether you become inferior, or rise above the circumstance, is your attitude towards criticism and failure. Don’t forget that there is the creative imagination aspect, which is a more powerful influence towards feeling inferior; yet criticism and failure are the most powerful influences towards the conditioning component.

Criticism and failure will always be banging at your door to success. Unfortunately, most of us let the two burglars get a foot hold within our lives and let them steal what mental goods we possess. Criticism compounds criticism and failure demotivates you resulting in more failure. We will always do things that are inferior to what other people can do. The trick is to stop associating yourself with your actions.

Inferiority arises when doing becomes being. Actions of inferiority, when you associate what you do with yourself, becomes actions of being. For example, getting poor results at school makes you think you’re dumb. You become dumb, and feel inferior, because of your action of getting poor results. A guy who gets poor results at school and doesn’t feel inferior, dissociates himself with the result. He doesn’t let his lack of study and effort over the past weeks make him feel that he is the result he obtained.

You will never be able to eliminate criticism or failure. The conditioning aspect of inferiority will always exist. Therefore, to overcome the inferiority complex you cannot expect yourself to avoid failure, dodge criticism, or have all your humanly characteristics as being better than average. Overcoming the conditioning aspect of the inferiority complex is a matter of learning and moving on while maintaining a goal-focused attitude. Again, you need to learn and move on from criticism and your failures.

I have found that as more people hear and read my newsletter (Earthling Transmission) and articles that I openly provide, the more criticism I receive. I get excited with this and energized because I know the criticism is a sign of achievement (I am sober as I type this ). People will rarely unanimously agree on one thing. We live in conflict.

You and I will always have our critics provided we are not mediocre. Anyone who has achieved anything notable sooner or later receives harsh criticism. Should you desire to no longer be criticized, go find a dark corner where you can hide and be a nobody. Aristotle, the great Greek philosopher, said “Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”

When you feel criticism is a signal of your unworthiness then it begins to stimulate inferiority, shame, and failure. Don’t take criticism personally and think you are a failure. Justly deserved criticism needs to be used as feedback to adjust your course of action as it guides you back on the path of not feeling inferior.

People criticize you in an attempt to improve your life, release their frustration, or because they have their own problems. Feelings of inferiority, like criticism, can be used as a signal to grow and develop yourself. Sometimes you can take the criticism as a sign of you progressing forward in life. I am certain that if I hadn’t experienced feelings of inferiority in areas throughout my life that I wouldn’t have bothered to work on myself and personally grow. No way would I be writing this large, powerful article here today. As a matter of fact, I’m 100% I would not be teaching any communication skills.

Okay, so what factors affect a person’s harsh words? The impact of criticism is determined by the power of the sender, intensity, and frequency. These three factors are not limited to criticism. I’d say just about all positive and negative messages’ impact is determined by these three factors.

If you are passionate about boxing and Muhammad Ali told you how hopeless you are at boxing, then his power will intensify the criticism. In addition, if his criticism was delivered in an intense outburst, then the criticism would have a bigger impact on you feeling inferior as a boxer. Lastly, if he also constantly reminded you how hopeless you are at boxing, this would stimulate further inferiority.

We all have been criticized. Some people suffer while other’s flourish and experience great levels of confidence, success, happiness, and intimate relationships. Why is this and what can you do to overcome your inferiority complex?

Think of a time when the power of the sender, intensity of the criticism, and the frequency you were criticized made you feel inferior. If you can and I suggest you do, make your selected memory one related to your current feelings of inferiority. If you are a shy person then perhaps think of a time when someone told you to stop talking because you have nothing good to say.

Once you have come up with one or several memories, ask yourself these questions:

• What were you thinking when the person made you feel inferior?
• What emotions did you experience?
• What self-talk followed the person’s negative feedback?
• How long did these feelings and thoughts last?
• How intense were these feelings and thoughts?

After answering these questions, if you reacted poorly to the negative feedback given to you in these situations, you should now be more aware of how your feeling of inferiority developed. This is big. If you have the inferiority complex or know someone with it, I hope you’re getting excited about this insight.

The powerful lesson we can learn from this is that people’s criticism and other types of negative feedback has no power over you. It isn’t the events that make you inferior; it is your reaction to the events. It is the thoughts and feelings you experience after the event that determine whether your inferiority grows or dies. The conditioning aspect of inferiority partly manifests through the criticism of others, if we let it, yet our reaction to the event usually determines who we become.

Referring back to the three components (power of sender, intensity, and frequency) which shape us, if you severely beat your emotional self up and frequently do it (for self-talk, I say the power of the sender factor varies depending how strong your self-image is in the specific area you are criticizing yourself over), then the self-criticism will have a bigger impact on your inferiority.

You condition yourself to feel inferior through self-criticism. You become your own worst enemy. Your “self” gets smacked by your thoughts and self-talk. The failures become a part of who you are. You are unable to disassociate events and experiences from your identity and so you begin to verbally bash your mind.

Once you’ve initiated the thoughts, the feelings begin to follow. You begin to feel inferior. You use your creative imagination poorly and begin to evoke images of failure, misery, shame, unworthiness, and low self-esteem. All these negative messages that you’ve come to accept over time mold your self-image and make you feel inferior. You eventually believe that you are in fact inferior.

Creative Imagination

All animals have their own preprogramming that gives them a set of functions which enables them to survive. I’m amazed at the simple yet effective preprogramming that takes place in birds. When the season changes these amazing creatures can fly thousands of miles straight to a destination they have never been to before. In addition, birds build nests without ever having to attend “Nest Building 101” or taking a course in materials engineering.

Like animals, we are preprogrammed with a set of functions that enable us to survive from threats, allow us to gather food, and procreate. However, we have one huge difference within us. That is, we are goal-driven. Humans have the option to select their goals while animals do not have this ability. Animals are preprogrammed from birth to live a certain life. They survive and procreate. Humans are different. We can create goals and set out to achieve them with our creative imagination.

I honestly feel this to be the greatest part of all personal development. That is a huge statement and I stand by it. My creative imagination is something I get so excited about. It gives me the ability to literally become who I want to be. You will learn later on that your creative imagination is the key to altering your self-image. It is a key determinant in whether you achieve a goal or not like overcoming the inferiority complex.

Before I discuss more about the creative imagination, the creative imagination is not so much about coming up with ideas; though it is a wonderful technique to generate ideas. Your creative imagination gives you the ability to dream goals and visualize them so vividly that your nervous system cannot tell your visualizations are not reality. You can literally trick your entire body into thinking you are experiencing a realistic event when in fact you are just using your creative imagination.

Unfortunately, for many people they waste their creative imagination. It is as if they have a billion dollar check in their wallet and they do not cash it in at the bank. In fact, it is more like they have a billion dollar golden nugget they do not convert to cash and so they are burdened with the impossibility of getting through life by carrying it around. They let this great opportunity go to complete waste. Unless you awaken this inner giant, it will lay dormant, sleepy, lazily, and do nothing in your life. It is your inner giant that can create great happiness, success, and relationships – if you know how to use it.

The first common way your creative imagination is wasted is through aimless daydreaming and fantasizing. This is letting it go to complete waste. Your mind aimlessly wanders off into a fantasy that cannot be created or which you have no desire to experience.

The second common way your creative imagination is wasted is using it to create bad events in your life. This is where the inferiority complex is derived. People unknowingly use their creative imagination to create their inferiority complex. They create scenarios and thoughts of inferiority from their imagination. They imagine rejection, failure, criticism, shame, hatred, scarcity, and loneliness; instead of acceptance, lessons, love, abundance, and togetherness. There is a huge difference here in the parallels of thinking.

It is the images you evoke like failure, unworthiness, and shame that wastefully use your creative imagination to bring further bad events into your life. If you experience fear, anxiety, or worry about what other people think of you, then you are making this common mistake and wasting your creative imagination.

Napoleon Complex

A part of Alfred Alder’s work of the inferiority complex developed the Napoleon complex which is a specific feeling of inferiority about one’s height. Alfred Alder was said to have named the Napoleon complex after the great military leader Napoleon Bonaparte who was driven from his insecurities of being short.

People with a Napoleon complex “make up” for their inferiority through aggressive behaviors. They have a superficial layer of toughness. On the outside they overcompensate for their insecurity. In terms of height, they feel handicapped because of their smaller stature and attempt to “make-up” for this perceived problem through aggressive behavior. A smaller stature is not necessarily a true handicap as it just a perceived handicap where the individual uses one’s creative imagination to feel inferior.

Diagnosing this type of inferiority within you lies in having overcompensating behavior because of perceived inferiority. You would have the Napoleon complex and demonstrate overcompensating behavior when you aim to put-down others who are taller than you. You would have that little extra desire to do better than those who are taller than you. You would try and make taller people look bad. The worst possible symptom of this feeling of inferiority is physically hurting taller people because of their stature. This specific Napoleon complex is derived from one’s personal feeling of inferiority and fear that taller people are better than you.

I know the Napoleon complex is a common and more general term used outside of physical height where the individual overcompensates for a perceived handicap. Most of us do have a tendency to be controlling and aggressive beyond the many possibilities of height differences. All of us have our own and often strange reasons for feeling inferior that we dare not share with anyone else.

A common example where overcompensating behaviors take place are when someone feels threatened by an attractive person. A woman would have the Napoleon complex when she feels threatened purely from an attractive lady’s looks. Because women are very competitive in the dating world, if they feel inferior to a more attractive lady they will overcompensate for this by criticizing, teasing, and displaying other insecure behaviors relating to the attractive lady’s looks.

The shallow woman tries to be better than other women. She may also try to make herself feel better by putting-down other women who are less attractive than she is or who lack other qualities that she has. This is all the bitchy behavior where women try not to feel inferior because they are less attractive than the “superior” lady. If you have a need to “pull” other people down, then you are suffering from inferiority.

Both women and men who subtly communicate these insecurities instantly become less attractive. I find it very annoying, depressing, and irritating to have someone next to me whose feeling of inferiority is temporarily made better by criticizing another person.

So let me ask you this. What is your attitude towards people who are better than you in certain areas of your life? How do you feel towards people who are more attractive than you? How do you feel towards people who are your superiors at work? Do you feel inferior to them? Do you feel they are better than you? Do you need to “pull” them down from their podium by criticizing? Or do you become inspired, excited, and thrilled to see their successes?

I hope you have very deeply thought about and answered each one of those questions. If you rushed through the questions, go back and take your time to think and relive relevant experiences. Think deeply about it!

I often see unsuccessful, unhappy, and miserable people criticizing others who are more happy and successful. It is disgusting to see this happen. The criticizers are no better or inferior than those they are criticizing. A young person achieves a goal at a much younger age than a miserable older person who criticizes how “bad”, “wrong”, and “mistaken” the young achiever is. It is absolutely disgusting to see someone attempt to pull another person down because of personal insecurities.

A great test to see how secure and confident a person is can be conducted by complimenting a person who is more successful than your “test subject” in an area you feel they may act inferior. For example, if I wanted to see how confident a lady is about her looks, I could compliment a more attractive lady on how her hair brings out her positive features. If the lady is insecure, she would likely find something wrong with the lady and follow up my comments with something like “… but look at her shoes. Ugh. She’s got no fashion sense.” Not an attractive quality to have at all.

Cultural Cringe

The cultural cringe is an interesting area of the inferiority complex where people feel inferior due to their culture. It could be because of genetic appearance, pronunciation of words, or other areas of the human body that vary between cultures. I believe this to be common in middle eastern countries where terrorist activities have hurt how other countries perceive these cultures. These middle easterners are likely to experience the cultural cringe because they feel inferior due to someone like their own – Osama Bin Laden – being associated with their culture.

A few days ago I came across a lady who was experiencing the cultural cringe about her physical form. She was saying how much she wished she could look like an Asian lady. She complained about the features of her body being different and unusual. She hated her self-image and loved how others in Asian cultures looked. Her idea that other cultures are better than hers made her feel inferior.

These feelings of inferiority hurt you by damaging how you communicate with yourself and others. You will hate certain people, cultures, situations, and events because of the cultural cringe. Your subconscious will be so poisoned with imaginary beliefs that are powerful enough to destroy your happiness, relationships, and overall success in life.

Superiority Complex?

The superiority complex is a feeling of superiority over other people. Back to the scenario where Sally is in a room full of successful executives, if Sally had a superiority complex or attempted to feel superior, then she would criticize the executives to “pull-down” their status in an effort to make herself feel better. Another form of the superiority complex is demonstrated when Sally could try to “lift” her status by portraying how better she is than the executives. Both of these poor techniques in “overcoming” the inferiority complex attempt to lift her status but fail to do so. Let me explain.

A common technique people use to “overcome” their inferiority complex is to make themselves feel superior. I frequently thought this was the solution to overcoming feelings of inferiority and still, ashamedly, catch myself trying to feel superior. I think you will never completely remove thoughts of inferiority. You just need to develop a positive self image and keep a negative self-image that tries to enter your life at bay. It would be humanly impossible otherwise.

People attempt and fail to overcome feelings of inferiority by becoming superior. They “overcome” inferior feelings by making themselves feel better than other people. Many people do not understand that this solution is a temporary patch on a large wound. It takes most people an experience of significance superiority (such as achieving a desired goal you felt inferior about like earning a million dollars or being popular with the opposite sex) to realize that they still feel inferior.

Let’s face it, I think we have all fallen into the same trap. We think that to overcome our feeling of inferiority we must feel superior. This ultimately only leads to more frustration and inferiority. I can guarantee you this. If you must feel superior than you are still comparing yourself to the false measuring stick you used to judge yourself when you were inferior.

Once you perceive yourself to be superior, you will be constantly searching for validation from other people to prove to yourself that you are still superior. You will likely be a person who thrives off attention and perhaps are someone who is needy. If you are put out of place by being ignored and made to feel less superior, you will attempt to grab back your “non-existent podium” of superiority by criticizing others and using behaviors to lift your own status.

If a person’s need to compete against another is driven from the person’s insecurity to feel superior, does a superiority complex actually exist? I think it does exist but an inferiority complex can be used to explain someone with a superiority complex.

You are You

A secret to overcoming the inferiority complex is accepting you are who you are. I’m certain you would have heard people say to “Just be yourself”. I think that is awful advice. If you continue to be yourself then you will continue to have poor habits, thoughts, feelings, and results.

Being yourself is completely different than accepting that you are unique. A guy who knows he is unique is still able to grow as a person and “not be himself”. He will continue to always be unique no matter what he does.

So hopefully now you accept you are a unique individual but I am willing to bet that you do not believe it. I’m guessing you consciously accept your uniqueness but you are still comparing yourself to the false measuring stick that causes inferiority. By measuring yourself against these mystical standards, you are likely to not be accepting of your uniqueness.

Next time you feel inferior, I want you to challenge those thoughts and find out why exactly you feel inferior. Having done so, acknowledge that the people you are measuring yourself against are not the true measuring stick. You are you. What you need to do is compare yourself with who you were.

If you are shy in conversations then don’t compare yourself to the extrovert, blabbermouth, social butterfly who won’t shut the heck up. Compare your present shyness to your shyness one month ago. Derive satisfaction from knowing that you are becoming a better person. No one will have experienced the same situations, people, events, thoughts, and feelings that erected your feelings of inferiority. There are so many variables that make you unique: family, friends, co-workers, upbringing, and the list goes on. It is foolish to compare yourself to others.

Know that you don’t need to arrive at your goal to enjoy yourself. You can enjoy the journey in knowing that you are making progression and becoming more confident. In doing so, you are able to accept your uniqueness.

About 90% of people have the inferiority complex so our perceived standard is a joke! You should be able to see how silly we are to compare ourselves against these false measurements. You are not inferior or superior to anyone – nor is anyone inferior or superior to you. We all are ourselves. You are you and our friend Sally is Sally. Remaining different and not complying to “standards” (which 90% of the population don’t fit in. Ha! ) is a part of the secret in overcoming the inferiority complex.

Self-image

To overcome your inferiority complex you need to change your self-image. The self-image is how you perceive yourself. It is a mental picture of who you are. It does not have to be truth as we’ve seen in the inferiority complex where you are not necessarily inferior. The self-image is the image of yourself that you hold in your mind.

The great Dr. Maxwell Maltz, author of Psycho-cybernetics, was a plastic surgeon in the mid 1900s. He operated on many individuals who felt inferior due to their “unusual” looks. Most of the individuals did not at all look unusual as it was their self-image that blew their little differences out of proportion. They had used their creative imagination to create a dangerously false understanding of what they looked like.

The doctor had operated on many people who despite after the plastic surgery, still felt a feeling of inferiority. They would come back to him requesting more surgery seeking to look exactly like famous individuals. He would again operate on them and still only to have the individuals dissatisfied with their appearance.

For some of his patients, this was not the case. Some individuals’ feeling of inferiority would disappear after plastic surgery while others had their emotional scars cured without ever having to undergo surgery. This made Dr. Maxwell Maltz very curious. He wondered why people who had their “outer scars” healed like facial deformities still had “inner scars” like feelings of inferiority. From his research emerged modern self-help psychology. He is the founder of visualization, creative imagination, self-talk, and changing the self-image.

Unfortunately, anorexics have a really distorted self-image. Their obsessive compulsion to lose weight cannot be logically understood. They can be on the brink of death from starvation and still perceive themselves to be fat. Those who have never directly experienced such a situation will often fail to understand how this can be true. It is a very hard disease to grasp your mind around if you have not directly experienced such a horrific situation.

A teenage girl with anorexia will have concrete beliefs, thought processes, and emotional states that she uses on a day-to-day basis which potentially could have developed all the way back to her toddler years. Each hurtful word, thought, and experience over a person’s lifetime accumulates to formulating a poor self-image. Think again before you call a child, or even an adult, hurtful words that are unhealthy for a good self-image. You are creating other people’s self-image on a daily basis.

Your self-image has enormous powers. It controls exactly what you can and cannot do. If you see yourself as inferior to others because of a false belief, then this self-image will ensure that you remain inferior. No amount of positive thinking, willpower, determination, or other techniques will cure your feeling of inferiority if your self-image is inferior. Just like your self-image determines if you feel inferior, so I believe that for any goal you set out to achieve, your self-image must also be congruent with your desired future. Your self-image controls what you can achieve.

Dr. Maxwell Maltz in The New Psycho-cybernetics, a book from which I received several foundational ideas for this article, profoundly explained the power of our self-image:

“The self-image controls what you can and cannot accomplish, what is difficult or easy for you, even how others respond to you just as certainly and scientifically as a thermostat controls the temperature in your home. Specifically, all your actions, feelings, behavior, even your abilities, are always consistent with this self-image. Note the word: always. In short, you will “act like” the sort of person you conceive yourself to be.”

A person who is 250 pounds can drop to 210 pounds through willpower. The person can lose weight with determination. However, if the weight-loss took place out of sheer determination, then the person will return to their true self-image weight of 250 pounds. If you see yourself as fat but you are determined to lose weight then it is likely you will lose weight. Your determination will drop those pounds. However, if your self-image has not adjusted to your new weight then you can be guaranteed your old weight will return.

The room temperature can fluctuate a few degrees depending on who enters and leaves the room yet the thermostat will always return the room to its set temperature. This is why people who do not adjust their self-image are able to lose weight yet it fluctuates and eventually returns to their self-image.

The same rule holds true for becoming more muscular. If your self-image is a thin-body, then you are going to have an extremely tough time packing on muscle. Arnold Schwarzenegger at 15 was thin. What set him apart from other body-builders in the gym was his self-image. He would visualize his new muscular body each time he performed a rep at the gym while other body-builders would fantasize over bikini models. In 1980, Arnold claimed his seventh Mr. Olympia title and become the icon of bodybuilders.

A person aiming to lose weight through willpower is using forward goal-setting. This fails. If you use forward goal setting where you set a goal to achieve and work towards it, you set yourself up for failure. As I’ve repeatedly said, positive willpower cannot overcome a negative creative imagination. Your creative imagination will always win.

Apply this to other areas of your life. Stop trying to use willpower to overcome your inferiority complex or to achieve some other goal. It cannot be done for permanent results. What you need to do for all your goals is use backward goal-setting where you set a goal to achieve and begin doing the things now that you would be doing upon achieving that goal.

To do this you need to awaken your creative imagination by immersing yourself in an imaginary environment where you have already achieved your goal. Your primary aim is to visualize yourself immersed in an environment so real that it feels like you have already achieved it. I will run through a complete exercise that you can apply right now to overcome your inferiority complex.

It is this technique that you are going to primarily rely on to overcome feelings of inferiority. When the technique is used over time, on a frequent basis, your inferiority complex will evaporate.

Exercise

I’m going to run you through an intense visualization. The nervous system cannot tell a real event from a fake event. Studies continue to show over and over again that when we visualize the body experiences physiological responses which mimic action. The mirror neurons in the premotor cortex of the brain become activated when visualizing in the same manner as taking action. Mirror neurons hold an important component in social understanding, empathy, developmental language, and learning new skills.

This isn’t the exercise, but imagine you are in a real fight. Hear the yelling, swearing, and abuse. Feel the air. Taste the blood. Seeing the people gathered around. Look at your angry opponent. By immersing yourself in the environment your physiology will appropriately respond. Your body will release doses of adrenaline as your heart rate increases along with heightened awareness. The more real your visualization is, the more your body responds as if it were a real experience.

To demonstrate the exercise I encourage you to use on a daily basis, I’ll walk you through what I would do in Sally’s situation.

I firstly slow down my breathing. I notice whatever tensions there are in my body and make a conscious decision to relax that part of the body. Now, I visualize myself walking confidently into the room full of executives. Shoulders are back, posture is erect, neck is straight, my strides are slow, and I hold my eye contact if others look at me. I smell the champagne and hear the chatter and occasional loud laugh. I see the gray colored walls and people’s black shoes.

I feel the wrinkles around my mouth as I smile when greeting an executive. I sense other’s feel my firm handshake. People are warming up to me as I’m communicating complete comfort with myself. I love myself and have no need to compare myself against other’s standards. I’m proud in knowing that I’m becoming a better person. I’m a unique individual. I am poised and have zero feeling of inferiority.

That is a brief example of what I would feel and see in my mind’s eye. I’d encourage you to go into more depth and create more details. Thorough details are extremely important. Make it so vivid that it becomes real. Use all your five senses: taste, touch, sight, smell, and hearing.

To overcome your inferiority complex, start visualizing what it would feel like to not worry what other people think of you. Imagine yourself in the exact same environment. Smell the air and touch the surfaces that are around a non-inferior you.

Run through these visualizations everyday. By constantly running these visualizations, you begin to create a new self-image that is aligned with the visualizations. Your creative imagination overpowers whatever willpower you have.

You should also use the positive thinking I earlier “bashed.” Positive thinking is of course a valuable tool when using in conjunction with your creative imagination. Combine these two great tools together and you will soon overcome your inferiority complex. After all, your inferiority complex developed by using these same tools in a negative fashion.

Please post a comment or story about your inferiority along with how the report has changed your life. Also, let others know about this free report. You are by far from alone in experiencing inferiority.

I could have easily charged for this report but decided not to. I want as many people to read this as possible. With your help, I know this can be more easily accomplished so please tell your friends, family, and co-workers about this report. You don’t know the feelings of inferiority someone could be experiencing which is damaging their life. Do them a favor by sending them this report and they could be forever thankful for your thoughtfulness. Email them by clicking here .

You can download this free report by right clicking here and selecting “save target as”. You can keep a copy safely on your computer. The report is in .pdf format so you will need this free software to view it.

Are you a quitter?

That feels like someone asking you if you’re “too chicken”. It feels judgmental and seems like a weakness test to see how strong you really are. This is the sad perception we have of quitting. We think the weak, unmotivated, lazy, unsuccessful, and losers quit.

You might be thinking at the moment that this is going to be a motivational, never give up, stick with it, go get-em tiger, and you can do it type of article.

Nope.

I want to destroy a false belief about quitting, that is:

“Winners never quit, and quitters never win.”

Straight off let me say winners do quit and quitters do win. The original saying has a degree of truth about it yet in terms of the “never” part in saying “winners NEVER quit”, it is wrong. Let me explain.

For those who enjoy their current job, take that as an example. For those who hate their current job, learn from this and pretend you enjoy your job.

How did you get to work in a place you enjoy so much?

The answer is you made a radical choice. You made a choice to quit a previous job or whatever else you were doing and you got the enjoyable job. Do you think you were weak because you quit? Are you a loser? Were you unmotivated? No!

The main reason you quit your old work was because you acknowledged the job was not for you and that there was some other work out there that is better for you. In other words, you did not quit of weakness. You quit out of strength.

Here is another useful example. You are single and are looking for a partner. You go out to your usual club and make a serious effort to look for a partner. After many unsuccessful attempts you begin to lose confidence. Frustration and anger begin to set in as you are left wondering “What am I doing wrong?”

What if you weren’t doing something wrong, but the club is a bad place to meet people? What if the people you meet are the ones who have something wrong themselves and not you? The music could be too loud or the people are already in relationships are two reasons you could be failing that you cannot control.

I don’t want you to develop the point of view, “Nothing is wrong with me. It is the world who has the problem.” Certain things will always be out of your control.

So let’s get things straight. Some relationships do not work. Some people will always hate you. Some people are not going to be friends with you. Some bosses, co-workers, and customers will be jerks no matter what.

Whether you are religious or not, take the story of Jesus. He was perfect yet people hated him and killed him. He could not fully accomplish his goals in getting everyone to believe in him regardless of his perfectionism because other people make their own choices that influence the situation. There are situations that you cannot succeed in no matter how good you are.

No longer is “if at first we don’t succeed, try again” true. That is the old paradigm. The new paradigm is “if at first we don’t succeed, see why it failed, and quit or try again though more intelligently.”

If you follow the saying about never quitting, you would be persisting and pursuing such failures. The saying is a blindfold to push and motivate you into continuing with what will always fail.

When you learn something such as a relationship isn’t going to work, an employee isn’t going to change, or your work is making you unhappy, stop persisting and running towards failure everyday. Understand that certain things will not work out and learn how to identify them. Once you are able to pick out what a failure is you will be able to quit out of strength or change your course of action and stop walking down the road of fruitless attempts to succeed in what you are after.

How to Identify a Failure so You can Quit

Alright, here comes the tricky part. How to identify a failure so you can quit out of strength.

There are events out of your control and can be destined for failure. You either have to perform so good that the efforts are not worth your energy or it is impossible to succeed. When the return is not worth the expense do not invest yourself into pursuing failures. Financial investors would never make an investment where the return is less than the cost. They are the situations I want you to quit in. The trick is being able to measure the required costs and expected returns.

Probably the best technique to identify when to quit is using your experience. You have experienced heaps of highs-and-lows throughout your life in many areas. You can use your failing experiences to your advantage. These experiences form your intuition, gut-feelings, second-nature, sixth-sense, or whatever you want to call it. You can sense when something is not going to work out. Unfortunately, with this technique you need to have experienced failures in a similar situation to your current circumstance.

Here’s another technique to identify a failure. Say the problem is argumentative co-workers. You wonder why certain co-workers argue with you. After looking into yourself and seeing if you are doing something bad such as using poor communication skills, project this ‘bad’ co-worker onto a co-worker you get along with well. Identify what is so different about this person. Visualize what characteristics made the situation a failure onto the successful situation and see what similarities and differences there are.

Act on your newly gained knowledge by adapting too what you have learned. The adapting survives and thrives while the stubborn persists and resists. The 1925 Nobel Prize winner in literature and known for his playwriting, George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.” You need to adapt and change your course of action and sometimes this must be by quitting.

You can also visually project yourself in the failing situation onto the successful one to contrast what you are doing differently. This technique filters through the many variables of what could be causing the problem.

One other technique is you can go talk to friends and family or ask an expert in the problematic field and see what the person says. By talking to other people you overcome your perceptions and beliefs that filter reality. Other people are able to see what you cannot and may have the answer for you. Additionally and more importantly about this technique, is the people you ask may have the knowledge and experiences to guide you.

If after seeing nothing in yourself you can change, the situation is failing, the people are stubborn, and nothing good is coming from it, then I want you to give up and let it go. Become a quitter and win!

Remember, Don’t Quit out of Weakness

I’m a firm believer in persistence. To go anywhere and become the person you want to be you need persistence. You need the will to persist to overcome the many obstacles and barriers you face. Anthony J. D’Angelo was quoted in saying, “Never let your persistence and passion turn into stubbornness and ignorance.”

Don’t make the mistake of giving up out of weakness, having a lack of desire, being lazy, acting, stubborn, or not possessing the skills to handle the situation. Be strong, be smart. Identify the failures and learn from them to place you in a more favorable situation next time.

I give you permission to relinquish the failing situations in your life. Stop dragging an anchor in your life that’s holding you back. Remember, quitters can be losers but it’s the smart quitters that win. Learn to quit and you will learn to win.

It is extremely difficult keeping perspective when life hits you hard with a problem that appears insurmountable. A problem so big you feel it will be the end of you.

The events we experience radically change our perspective where one moment you feel on top of the world and the next moment a difficult problem reverses your positive perspective into negativity, gloom, and doom. Your wonderful short and long term outlook immediately shifts into a negative perspective. Whether you are feeling hit hard by a really big problem or want to prepare yourself for the inevitable big problems life serves everyone, this article will help you keep your perspective on the right path.

What are some of the common events that really hit people hard?

• Death – Probably the toughest problem to keep perspective as a loved one leaves your life forever.
• Divorce or break up – I’ve written about getting over a relationship break up and depending on the nature of the break up, psychologists have compared it with grieving the death of a loved one.
• Unemployment – The more financial trouble you are in, the more stressed you’ll become over being able to provide for yourself and family. You wonder how you are going to get yourself out of the financial mess.
• Serious health issues – You or someone has been diagnosed with cancer or another serious health problem.

Fighting Your Bigger Problem (BP)

You and the big problem you are experiencing and are like opponents in life’s boxing ring. For easy and fun purposes in this example, I’ll call the big problem “BP”. The fight starts as BP enters your life and begins to swing like crazy. BP is jabbing, hooking, and upper cutting with relentless aggression and when BP hits hard, some people feel so walloped by BP that they don’t bother getting back up. BP totally knocks them out for life.

As you’re in the ring against BP getting pounded by its relentless aggression, more often then not it will give you an emotional knockout. You lay on life’s ground in a daze desperately needing help and wondering how the heck you are going to win over a heavy-weight champion. You wonder how to keep perspective.

How are you supposed to keep a good perspective when a really big problem stands there facing you in life’s boxing ring and slams you so hard your emotions are flying everywhere?

Understanding your perspectives, taking a look at the bigger reality, and making a commitment will keep your thoughts and feelings perspective.

Society’s Conditioning and Your Ego

Society has conditioned us to think a loved one dying, divorce, unemployment, or serious health issues are life’s toughest opponents. They are the “heavy-weight world champions”. Have you ever stopped to question this? Have you questioned why you actually felt these were tough problems?

We think these problems are tough. Our ego kicks in thinking we have a hard life. We begin to feel sorry for ourselves as our egos inflate problems causing us to lose perspective.

Here are some basic statistics I’ve pulled up from the Internet:

• Death – Every person on this planet dies (I came up with this statistic myself Aren’t I smart?)
• Divorce or break up – Divorce Magazine in 1997 found 2.5 million in America alone divorce every year.
• Unemployment – U.S Bureau of Labor Statistics in 2006 reported 6.8 million Americans to be unemployed.
• Health issues – The World Health Organisation estimates 2 million – mostly children – die every year just from diarrhoeal diseases. These children have no option but to live in poorly sanitized environments. They have no control in living a healthy life.

I can find many statistics that will horrify your struggling perspective. For the problem you are struggling to keep in perspective, perhaps go and search Google for some statistics to help change your understanding of your problems. If your big problem is physical looks, go find the millions of pictures on the internet of people uglier than you. Print them out and pin them on the wall to remind you of people worse off, which will keep your thoughts and feelings in perspective. As shallow as it is and unfortunate that it would come too such a low moral level, compare yourself with the many far worse off than you or the many that do experience your problem.

Egos overcomplicate perceptions of problems which affect judgements of reality. Your lack of perspective is formed through your ego deluding yourself into thinking your problems are tough or unique. The problem will not typically be unusual, but rather simple to overcome because your ego blows your judgement out of proportion. Take a look at the bigger reality to change your perspective.

Having done that, it’s time to develop an attitude and perspective so strong nothing will be able to destroy it.

Preparation

A good coach will prepare his players for an important match. The coach will talk about the other team’s tactics, playing style, and past results to prepare his team for a good match and help prevent the unexpected. You can and should learn about big problems beforehand. Don’t ignorantly wait until the problem arises in your life. Everyone should learn about dealing with grief and loss before having to experience it. Preparation will help you through the difficult experience. Instead of waiting till another big problem occurs, start preparing beforehand like a coach prepares his players for a match. You’ll equip yourself with the knowledge to keep perspective when experiencing the problem and the preparation will help you fight through it.

Developing an Athletic-like, Undefeatable Attitude and Perspective

World-class performers are so good at what they do that the quality of their opponents does not concern them. Tiger Woods does not worry whether he can defeat other excellent golfers because he knows how he performs is purely dependent on himself and not other golfers. If he wins, so be it. He has spent tens of thousands of hours on the practice range and winning tournaments that he has created a superior self-confidence in his ability to win tournaments regardless of how good his opponents in the tournament are.

You may think preparing beforehand and not worrying about your problem when experiencing it is contradicting. I’ll again use a golfing example because it’s a great sport . When a good professional approaches a shot and sees bunkers, water, or long grass, the golfer is aware of these obstacles. When a golfer focuses on these obstacles he/she becomes more likely to hit the ball into them. However, by considering the obstacles beforehand yet only focusing on the shot ahead when setting up, the golfer will more likely overcome the obstacles and hit a great shot.

Think of the golfer’s bunkers, water, and long grass as your problems. Focusing on the problems will increase failure and cause you to lose perspective. However, preparation beforehand to increase your awareness and understanding of the problem when applied with 100% focus on what you need to do will give you excellent perspective and increase your success of overcoming the big problem.

I’m now going to apply this psychology to winning against your opponent BP. Why should you really care how tough the problem is? Does it really matter?

If you are so focused on your individual performance you do not care how big the problems are you face. What this means is you only become concerned about what you can control. You cannot control your opponents, but you control your performance. You create a tunnel-like vision only focusing on where you want to go while ignoring the havoc that is occurring around you.

BP is standing there in life’s ring flexing muscles being a big show pony. It’s bouncing from foot-to-foot taking air swings and trying to intimidate you. Your tunnel vision created with focus on your individual performance and ignoring the uncontrollable problem ensures you maintain a desirable perspective. The problem comes charging at you like a raging bull yet you do not care. Whatever BP does isn’t your concern as you have no control over it.

You’ve just experienced a divorce – maybe you did influence it – and now it becomes your BP. You keep perspective on what you can control.

Keep developing yourself.

Keep improving your communication.

Keep meeting new people.

And keep working towards excellent relationships.

You become so committed into living with a great partner that the champion attitude instils powerful self-confidence creating an undefeatable perspective. When you enter this champion mindset, you just know nothing can make you lose your perspective.

Adapt the champion attitude to a loved one passing away. You keep a desired perspective on living without the person because you cannot change the person’s mortality status. You do grieve, share, and work through your emotions, but you do not let it change your perspective.

Make that choice today to fully commit yourself to an area you are having problems in. Maybe your BP is hitting you hard right now. Become a champion and develop an attitude where you are 100% determined to never let the uncontrollable control you and to focus on your own individual performance.

By questioning and understanding your perspective, seeing the greater reality, and being committed to a long-term goal, you manage to keep perspective. Following an undefeatable attitude will keep your thoughts and feelings in perspective no matter how big the problems are smacking you up in life’s boxing ring.

Goal setting is the framework for personal achievement. It is the backbone of becoming a person you desire to be. Setting and achieving personal goals will guarantee you success. Most people who do set goals have little to no understanding of goal setting and as a result fail to achieve them. We frequently hear of other’s goals or I should say ‘targets’ to find a perfect partner, lose-weight, or to help people in need. Many have personal ‘goals’ yet few achieve them. Why is this and what can you do to set yourself apart from the 95+% of people who do not achieve their poorly set personal goals?

Becoming an expert in setting and achieving personal goals is the greatest skill you can master. It ensures you desire something greater than what you have now and take the necessary steps forward to achieve them. By setting and achieving personal goals you can: communicate effectively, have the partner you want, have the friends and relationship with your family you want, look your best, feel great about yourself, no longer have self-imposed limitations such as poor confidence, and generally become the person you want to be. Setting personal goals constructs a pathway for self development but doing it correctly ensures you achieve them. It is truly the ultimate skill.

Why People Don’t Set Goals

You’d think that if goal setting was the ultimate skill and secret to success that everyone would develop their own personal goals and learn to achieve them. Unfortunately, the world isn’t that perfect.

I know with absolute certainty that everyone will experience a more successful and far enjoyable life if they learned to communicate effectively. Arguably the greatest modern day personal development Coach, Anthony Robbins said, “The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.” Effective communication determines the quality of your life with others while self development determines the quality of your inner life. Self development forms your inner communication and progresses you towards building interpersonal relationships. There are several reasons why people don’t set goals similarly to why people don’t care about communicating effectively.

The first reason I believe why people don’t set goals is they don’t see its importance. Like people who do not develop their communication and other aspects of themselves, they do not see the importance of setting goals. I’ve met people who are unbelievably resistant to developing their communication. They have actually found it insulting to think they need to improve how they communicate! Every single person on the face of this Earth can always communicate more effectively and have their life improve as a result. Likewise, with goals there are people who do not see the importance of setting personal goals. Goal setting forms the foundations for personal achievement and it is of the utmost importance.

The second reason why people don’t set goals is a fear of others’ criticism. People criticize because they see faults in others or are brainwashed by society and other beliefs into thinking greatness cannot be achieved. They criticize to hold people back from achieving goals. Average people do not want others to go beyond average. A person can fear setting goals because each time they have set goals in the past, others have criticized and shot down their dreams. Others impose their own self-limiting beliefs through criticism instilling fear within the person. Think of receiving criticism as a poisonous needle injected into your body. It slowly controls and destroys what you want. The destructive thought of fear controls the person from achieving anything remarkable. Put bluntly, screw what people think. Screw allowing people to destroy your life with their beliefs. Society is filled with endless garbage to prevent you from achieving your goals. If you want something, go and get it by setting and achieving personal goals.

The third reason why people don’t set goals is a fear of failure. They may think success is derived from not failing. The opposite is true. Success comes from failing a lot and failing fast. Famous inventor Thomas Edison said, “I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Being an inventor, Thomas understand failure was apart of success. Failure was the nuts and bolts that constructed his success. Understand that failure occurs and it shows you are taking action. Learn from failure and enjoy it in knowing you are moving towards your goals instead of fearing to set out after them in the first place.

The fourth reason why people don’t set goals is a fear success. People who fear success believe it is bad. The fear is common in wealth and wanting an attractive partner because negative results will occur. They believe wealth is evil or a certain type of partner is unfaithful. The fear prevents them achieving what they want by not laying the foundations of their desire with goal setting.

The fifth reason why people don’t set goals is they do not know how. This reason relates to fear of failure where the person has set goals in the past, but hasn’t achieved them and becomes discouraged from the failure. These people become disheartened from the failure and think failure is imminent. They do not learn from past mistakes and move towards personal growth. The classic example of this is losing weight as a new year’s resolution. A mere temporary motivation inspires the person who is lucky to lose weight in January but no further progression towards achieving the goal occurs in later months. If you don’t set and start working towards a goal now, what makes you think you’ll be able to achieve it as a new year’s resolution? There are techniques such as SMART goal setting which I’ll discuss below that you can use to set and achieve goals than merely wishing a result based on temporary motivation that is to common around the new year’s period.

The sixth reason why people don’t set goals is they lack the inner desire to want something greater than what they currently have. For them, the ordinary or even sub-ordinary is sufficient. These people don’t believe they can reach or deserve success because society has conditioned them into thinking they are ordinary people and therefore must do ordinary things. It can also be caused by failure, criticism, and other reasons as to why people don’t set goals. “Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.” said William Murray, an influential climber of mountains during wars. “All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in ones favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.”

Common Problems in Goal Setting

There are several common problems people frequently make in goal setting. These mistakes are dangerous enough to prevent accomplishing goals:

Vague – A vague goal is general and contains uncertainties. Set a specific goal. The more specific a goal is, the more likely you will achieve it. What exactly do you want to achieve? Maybe it is a more intimate relationship with your partner. Saying “my goal is to have more intimacy with my partner” is vague. Convert it to a more specific goal such as “In 30 days, I will able to come home from work then talk and cuddle with my partner for 30 minutes everyday”. This is a great goal as it is specific and measurable. You need to be specific and define exactly what you want.

Personal – A great leader knows in order to get his followers to accomplish tasks in a successful manner, he must inspire the followers to take on the goals as if it were their own. You will be far more likely to achieve a goal that is personal instead of it being somebody else’s.

Difficulty – Setting the correct level of a goal’s difficulty can be a hard task. If it is too hard you will not achieve the goal. If it is too easy, the goal is unchallenging, your journey to success will be slow, and you’ll lack a significant feeling of accomplishment. The correct level of a goal’s difficulty is one that is challenging yet achievable. It is energizing because you know it’s reachable.

Public – You can avoid several reasons why people do not set goals by not making your goals publicly known. While it can be good to let others know of your goals, if they are likely to knock you off your pedestal through criticism, then making your goal public is a mistake. However, letting the right person know of your goal will encourage you in many possible ways. It is a great motivator and can redirect you back on the path towards success. If you’re aiming to build more intimacy, letting the other person know and working with them towards this goal will increase the likelihood of it being achieved. However, let a co-worker know you aim to double your income within 1 year, and your goal could be shot-down with criticism about how bad the company is, the lack of opportunities in society, or the impossibility of increasing your income.

SMART Goal Setting

There are several techniques to setting and achieving personal goals with some complimenting each other meaning you can use multiple goal setting techniques to increase the likelihood of achieving your goal. One particular goal setting technique I like is called SMART goals from Paul Meyer’s “Attitude Is Everything”. SMART is an acronym that has minor variations:

Specific – as discussed earlier, a good goal is specific and not vague. By making a goal as specific as possible, a path towards success is evident, expectations are developed, and clarity is formed. Having a specific goal will give you excellent awareness and understanding of what’s required to achieve it. Develop an exact long term goal and then break it down into goals for 1 year, 6 months, 1 month, 1 week, and day-to-day activities.

Measurable – another common problem discussed earlier is people not setting measurable goals. How can your progress be tracked so you achieve the goal in a certain time period? Do your best to quantify your goal. Say your goal is to overcome shyness, set a measurable goal where you aim to meet and briefly converse with ten new people next week. The number “ten” and within “one” week makes this goal measurable and specific. You would be able to track your progress precisely in this example.

Attainable – an attainable goal is one where you have or can develop the necessary skills to achieve. You’ve heard the saying “You can achieve anything you want if you set your mind to it.” In other words, if you are able to align your attitude, ability, thoughts, and emotions towards your goal, then it is attainable. An attainable goal is within your potential.

Realistic – a realistic goal is one you believe is reachable. It is closely related to “Attainable”. Your goal is realistic if you truly believe it is attainable. An example of a realistic goal is one that has been achieved in the past by someone. It is one where the necessary resources and time is available. Realism will lead to belief, motivation, and action.

Tangible – being able to hear, see, feel, taste, or smell your goal will greatly increase success. Creating as many tangible forms of your goal has amazing affects. Too often goals are simply floating around in our mind. The first step you need to take is writing your goals down on paper. Writing your goals on paper creates tangibility. You want to use as many senses to awaken a powerful inner desire to hunt down those goals. Your emotions will intensify with tangible goals. Also, track your progress not based on an uncertain feeling of your development but on tangible changes. Look for solid evidence that you are progressing towards your goals.

What you get once setting a SMART goal is a map for success. You will have a challenging yet achievable personal goal. You will have techniques to continue pursuing your goal. You will develop the enthusiasm and drive to keep working. I sit here at the computer on Christmas Eve writing this article, not because I’m stupid. I am able to do this because I have SMART goals (and am going no where this Christmas ). Completely use this powerful goal setting technique with enthusiasm and you will come closer to your goals than ever before. Master goal setting and you will have the ultimate skill to get what you want.

It’s been broadcasted all over the world. It has said to be one of the most universally reported events that doesn’t involve an act of terrorism.

Steve Irwin’s death.

Otherwise known as the “Crocodile Hunter”, he became the figure of reptiles and especially Australia. Wrestling vicious animals like they were harmless creatures.

Why do you think Steve had so many people who not only knew about him, but loved him?

Being Australian, I know he’s done a great deal for this country. He helped Australian Tourism skyrocket, saved creatures, taught children about animals, and inspired many people. What stands out of all his achievements was his charismatic personality that made him so widely loved by many people drawing their attention and attracting a lot of media attention.

It wasn’t his job of wrestling crocs that made people like him. There are a tonne of other animal wrestlers out there that put their bodies on the line that people don’t know of and even hate. I even think someone tried to once sue Steve over the “Crocodile Hunter” name. It was Steve’s personality that made him so widely loved.

This begs me to ask you, what following do you have? Do you have people that love you because of what you do or who you are? Are they attracted to you and are proud to know you? Are they a better person because they know you?

This is what developing your communication and self is also about. You are developing the many areas within yourself for not only your own good, but for the good of others. You can learn to make people like you through more effective communication and at the same time you are improving other’s lives just like Steve did.

When you improve yourself and especially improve your communication, you begin to attract people and more favorable emotions out of people you already know. These emotions people experience go beyond feeling more attracted to you (attraction includes every person and thing that is drawn towards you), they inspire the person.

The person feels better about him/herself. They desire to follow in your foot steps and learn the skills you have learned and this of course leads to amazing paths. These people reach new personal development ground otherwise untouchable if not for your influence.

Look at the wide outreach and influence Steve had on people. A lot of people became happier, they become less fearful of “dangerous” animals, and I’m sure quite a few would have tried to replicate Steve’s life-filled personality. Take a look at Steve’s daughter, Bindy. Never have I seen someone so young and have communication skills and a personality that adults would only dream of. The way she communicates confidence, certainty, and clarity is amazing. Bindy is entirely in a class of her own. A strong part of Bindy’s amazing skills would have been how Steve and his wife Terry raised her, but had they not possessed the personality and communication skills themselves, then Bindy would not be the girl she is today.

Improving yourself goes beyond the self-centered benefits. By effectively communicating you inspire others to grow themselves.

Thanks Steve for being such a inspiration!

About the Author: Joshua Uebergang is owner of EarthlingCommunication.com where he teaches people effective communication and personal development. He encourages you to get the amazing benefits you can receive in your life by developing yourself and communication skills by getting your free subscription to his effective communication skills and self development newsletter here. Signup now and receive a special bonus.