- assertive body language

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In brief:
It has been proven that body language has a huge part when it comes to being assertive. Body language shows the other party that you are attentive to what he or she is saying. It is not all about looking good and speaking for yourself. It is also about making other people more comfortable when they talk and express their personal thoughts with you.

How to be Assertive by Speaking Fluent Body Language

You've probably heard the expressions before... "Chin up, shoulders back," "Keep your distance," "Feet on the ground," "Pain in the neck." But have you ever wondered how they came about? It all has to do with body language.

Simply put, body language is the unspoken communication we all use in every face-to-face encounter with other human beings. You could say it's more powerful than anything said aloud. Ninety-three per cent of our everyday communications is non-verbal. Only 7% has to do with words at all. You could be telling that other person much more with your body language than you would ever say in words.

Determining and regulating your own body language could well mean the difference when it comes to job interviews, networking meetings, banquets and business dinners, or even a social occasion, such as a date. Even trickier is learning to read and understand the other person's body language.

Being Assertive using Body Language

The right attitude to be able to win friends is to be more assertive. Being assertive is actually just your ability to stand up for yourself, tackle issues face to face, state your own personal views, and defend others when they are being taken advantage of. Contrary to what you may think, being assertive is very much different from being bossy and overbearing.

Assertiveness is actually a good thing. Without it, you inevitably hold back in your career and your personal life. If you are usually compared to another one of your co-workers because the two of you have similar levels of experience and skills, then it is more likely that the more assertive one is rewarded with the promotion.

It is natural that some people are more assertive than others; whether you are part of the former or the latter, it does not matter. What matters is that you get to learn assertive behavior, which ensures you are in the path for new opportunities.

For you to be assertive, you have to keep in mind the effects of positive body language. It is not difficult, actually. You just need to show the person you are talking to that you are attentive and that you truly care about whatever topic it is that you are discussing.

So, you're probably asking yourself, "How do I regulate my body language to be more assertive and give a true representation of how I feel when I interact with others?"

Distance and Angles

Start with the distance between you and the person with whom you're speaking. If you get too close, people feel you're in their face, or too pushy. Too far away, and you could be seen as standoffish.

The angle of your body is a dead giveaway to others. We tend to angle our body towards those people we find friendly or interesting, and angle away from those we feel are cold or unfriendly. Crossing your arms over your chest shows defensiveness. This posture says, "I'm closed off and keeping you out."

Eye Contact

When in a conversation, you have to do everything you can to maintain eye-to-eye contact. It is believed that your eyes are the windows to your soul. Therefore, for you to be able to achieve a heartfelt and productive conversation, you have to show the other party your undivided attention.

You must not, under any circumstances, look around while the other person is talking. You have to always make sure that the person you're talking to sees that you are truly participating in your conversation by listening intently, while maintaining eye-to-eye contact.

Eye contact is one of the most important ways to communicate with others. Looking them in the eye shows respect and interest. We've all experienced the person who looks constantly at their watch, or seems to be far away and not listening to us. Their body language says, "I have other places to be and other more interesting people to talk to than you." Or the person that you know is not listening to what you're saying, but instead is busy deciding what he/she will say next. Someone whose eyes are downcast, not looking you in the eye could be exhibiting signs of shyness, or it could be deceit. Someone who is lying to you will not look you in the eye.

Head Position

The head position also says a lot. To show confidence or authority, simply keep your head level. This says, "Take me seriously, my words are important." To show friendliness and interest in what the other person is saying, tilt your head slightly to one side or the other.

For you to be able to further express that you are, in fact, approaching your conversation with respect and attention, you may lean forward. Leaning forward is a gesture that shows that you want to hear more and would want the other party to expound on what he or she has just said.

Of course, leaning backward is the opposite. It proves that you are only engaging yourself in the conversation because you have to, and not because you truly care about what is bothering the other party.

You have to prevent yourself from being pushy in your newfound relationship. You must not force your opinions and beliefs on the other party if he or she radically believes otherwise. Just let things be, accept them as how they are.

Mouth Movements

Mouth movements are easy clues to what the other person may be feeling. If they purse their lips or twist them, they could be thinking carefully about what you just said, or disagreeing with you, but holding back comment. You can certainly tell when someone is not pleased.

The Handshake

The handshake is extremely important in the communication with others. No one wants to shake a hand like a wet noodle; at the same time, a handshake needn't be a contest of strength. It's a handshake, not arm wrestling. Many people also don't quite know what to do with their hands after the handshake, especially when meeting someone new. They tend to clasp their hands together, nervously, or fiddle with their jewelry.

Just Be Assertive

Taking the initiative of beginning a conversation, or in stating your views without pushing them to the other party, is the right way for a productive and effective conversation. Do not worry about giving the other party an image that you are overly confident; for being assertive is not only about being confident, it is also about understanding other people and the empathy that you give them.

Indeed, it has been observed and proven that body language has a huge part when it comes to being assertive. Body language shows the other party that you are attentive to what he or she is saying. It is not all about looking good and speaking for yourself. It is also about making other people more comfortable when they talk and express their personal thoughts with you.

Since we're constantly sending out these powerful messages, it's clear we should make an effort to learn more about what our bodies say to others. And learning what others are really saying to us is of paramount importance in our day-to-day communications.

So, chin up, shoulders back, keep your distance, head up, eyes sharp, don't be pushy or standoffish, smile and shake that hand. You too can learn to become more assertive by speaking fluent body language.

Comments

Dave
18 May 2007, 07:52

This is interesting, but I think it should be clarified that this set of body language that is suggested is better for a work environment, and not something like attraction.

Smriti
18 May 2007, 18:49

I feel it is important to practice body language exercise daily and need a feedback from someone who can actually guide as mentor - whether assertiveness was there or was it missing.

safari
27 May 2007, 00:19

I am very much intrested with both
titles written by joshua Ueberang.Please help me with even more knowladge beyond my expecations.

jennifer
24 Jun 2007, 07:38

Wow, I figured I knew what I knew and now I have learnt that what I knew I didn't quite Know! Now I know...time to apply them...might have to read this over many times!Thanks!

Kavitha
25 Jun 2007, 05:22

Thanks, I got some thing to learn useful and practicable in my professional life to start with.

Its really usefull to all who strives to enter into the new heights in todays world

meck
11 Jul 2007, 06:44

I have no words to say,its very helpful information.Thankyou.

fitzroytaylor
11 Jul 2007, 18:46

The handshake: you forgot to mention look the other person in the eye while shaking hands

mua
16 Jul 2007, 02:44

Great ideas,it is absolutely right to the point.

kaydee
06 Aug 2007, 16:51

It is believe and often said that asians dislike the eye contact.

Pooja Jain
18 Aug 2007, 05:09

The information is fabulous and seems to be helpful for every person in his/her day-to-day life.

nana sakyiwah
30 Aug 2007, 07:07

everything on this page is good. i tried it n i think it worked.

Subashkumar
08 Sep 2007, 04:38

It is an good article but could have been better had there been some examples inserted to emphasize the relevance of body language.

PAULYNE
17 Sep 2007, 08:18

HAVE BEEN SEARCHING WERE TO READ ABOUT BEING ASSERTIVE.EXCELLENT HV IMPROVED MA COMMUNICATION THANKS

peter
29 Sep 2007, 13:13

I learnt a lot from this material. thanks

neema
08 Oct 2007, 10:48

waaao! your article is so wonderful and i appreciate it,keep it up,now ma communication skills is improved,tchao!

Basavaraj B.G.
10 Oct 2007, 00:06

everything on this page is good. i tried it n i think it worked

vijayganesh
14 Oct 2007, 19:15

The article, by itself, is very good. We would love to read again to assimilate more.It would definitely change the communication skills, for the better. Visuals-added and/or bullets would make reading easier.

johanna
02 Nov 2007, 16:32

very very interesting thankyou

rahul
04 Nov 2007, 08:40

very intresting thank you

BISMARCK
11 Nov 2007, 04:16

HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR THIS GUIDE WITHOUT SUCCESS. EUREKA, I HAVE NOW FOUND IT. THANKS TO THE PRODUCERS AND PARTNERS. WILL BE READ OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND SHARED WITH FRIENDS

neetu
16 Nov 2007, 05:00

i loved this article and learned so many things from here, i would love to read more about this

AKinkigbe Alex
26 Nov 2007, 12:22

This is brilliant, thank you

liz
29 Nov 2007, 08:27

lots of gratitudes for this wonderful article.

Krishnan Paa
11 Dec 2007, 00:18

Wav! very interesting. All the tips are useful. But, how to practise them. When situation occurs, we are unable to recollect all these points. The emotion, exitement take the lead. How to get rid off? Any practise, food habbit required. Pl. advise.
Paa Krishnan

raghda
11 Dec 2007, 08:28

very helpful articles,thank you so much,i would like to read more.

afzal
11 Dec 2007, 08:44

Its very informative article and will be helpful transforming life.

Cil
11 Dec 2007, 09:07

i knew every movement on any part of my body meant something. thanks for that eye opener

Toma Kuku Davis
11 Dec 2007, 09:58

You are a great writer and thinker,thanks so much.I will not clasy my hands no more.Hope to learn more.

Shagufta Farooqui
11 Dec 2007, 10:30

I think its a great article to read, very informative!

nisam
11 Dec 2007, 10:44

i expected some what similar as i heared that it is about body language. but it was above my expectation and i found very useful

jacinta stephen
11 Dec 2007, 12:48

thank you so much.what i read in michael's book is really giving me confidence in any kind of encounter, it's really grate to know this. god bless you.

Timoteo
11 Dec 2007, 14:37

I don´t know how you guess what I really need to learn and leard!

Gatoshie
11 Dec 2007, 14:44

One thousand thanks.Its realy fantastic.
M gonna put it into practice.Hoping that i will never be the same againg!
Lovely!!!

Cheryl
11 Dec 2007, 16:55

I was very surprized to know about the different body languages. I have from time to time send the wrong body language, unintentionally. Thank you for the information. It helps alot.

Mamad
11 Dec 2007, 18:43

Thank you very match for your e-mail,
this is very informative.

Bita
11 Dec 2007, 23:33

thank you for your useful emails. I love your articles

rachana
11 Dec 2007, 23:37

the writtings if micheal which you have sent to me were very usefull
THANKYOU

Sam
12 Dec 2007, 01:34

I have always been outspoken and very assertive. At the sametime I shy from too much eye contact and in fact African culture seems to suggest that eye contact with a senior or older person is a sign of challenge to the older fellow. Still, this is great staff, from winning interview to handling a beautiful girl......

lemai
12 Dec 2007, 02:06

Thank you for your article, this is useful and interresting. BUt I find it is difficult to apply in life. Can you help me. I have less skills in communication, less confidencen in speaking, more silence. In general, I am inactive, slow. I try to chance my characters but I can not. Please give your advices. Thanks a lot
Mai

georgekutty
12 Dec 2007, 03:41

very useful information

Najet
12 Dec 2007, 04:58

Interresting, I love it, thank you

manahil
12 Dec 2007, 05:44

very valuable article .. this is what i research for .. please, provide me with more articles like this powerful one .thanks

bhavyata
12 Dec 2007, 07:12

i am outwardly quiet and inwardly talkative.a person like me very naturally has a little drawback back of being consistently assertive. sometimes the confusion arises due to lack of understanding of the true defn of assertiveness. in your article you have so subtly but clearly stated what it takes to be assertive and truly highlighted its significance.as always mikie hats off. this is something i need very badly at this point in my life where im trying to work out a completely bruised and battered relationship.though im very doubtful and cynical about its SUCCESS ur aticle might help me in whatever way it can.
THANX and ill keep in touch . i hope u will be there as always if I EVER NEED YOU which i think i will very soon.
BYE AND TAKE CARE

UncleCnn
12 Dec 2007, 07:17

an interesting topic, I've been looking for this, thanks a million times.

Elizabeth Ekoworonu C
12 Dec 2007, 07:20

Thanks a lot for this articles God bless you and give more wisdom to produce more.

melaku
12 Dec 2007, 07:26

Wow, it is great. The article widens the thinking horizon in our day to day communication activities. I like it so much. May God bless u. Keep it up

komal
12 Dec 2007, 09:47

Thanks a lot...this is really very useful information....We should try to implement this in our daily life...Please provide me more articles like this...

pm philip
12 Dec 2007, 10:23

wonderful. Iwould like to read more on this topic

Midge
12 Dec 2007, 16:13

How about an individual who talks and moves there head very suttle left to right after making a statement? What does this protray?
It really bugs me when I see a certain person do this!

Dhananjeeva
12 Dec 2007, 22:27

Thank you very much for the emails that you sent me.I am looking forward to get more important topics in future.

felistas
13 Dec 2007, 02:42

Than you alot its really amazing, am encouraged send me more information in future. God bless you

Premit
13 Dec 2007, 02:48

Endless thanks for such a useful & helpful article.It's gonna help me throughout my professional as well as social life.

vidhya lakshmi
13 Dec 2007, 09:10

It is v.informative. Thanks a lot for mailing this article to me. I do have eye-contacts. But when it comes to opposite sex sometimes i feel uncomfortable n strainful to have long duration eye-contact. On and off I used to look down.In rhis context I request thy guidance.

driss barouki
13 Dec 2007, 14:40

Thank you my dear freind for this interesting course. I'd just like to tell you that you added some more details to what I've already learnt from a very nice book entitled l'art de la coversation " the art of dialogs "
by Jaqueline Humery. It's a french course which holds 16 units that all of them deal with communication. Try to find an English copy. I'm sure that you can appreciate it so much. Thank you again and keep always being helpful and kind.

Nirupama
13 Dec 2007, 23:01

Thank tou friend for such a grat article. if possible the tell me more about it so that i can improve myself beyond my expectations.

subramanian
14 Dec 2007, 12:03

Thaaank you,for giving tips in right time, like me many souls will be happy to get this message.

malini
15 Dec 2007, 00:12

This article is great, Thank you for enlightening us.

Okeke Sabina Ndidi
17 Dec 2007, 01:54

A million thanks to you. I really enjoyed it. This article is exactly what i need. Once again, thanks a lot.

khan
17 Dec 2007, 05:56

A bundle of thanks 4 such a good articl. thats will help me in my practical life

anie
19 Dec 2007, 10:36

Waoo!this is amazing.I like it,i'll try practicing it.

graceson
21 Dec 2007, 10:50

thank you much for such a valuable information, i am intimidated here and believe you me i just wish that this article should be paste or seen wherever i go so that my life become more beautiful. thanking you.

Naz
27 Dec 2007, 12:46

Wonderful tips for everyday life communication.

K.M.Balasubramaniam
28 Dec 2007, 00:58

Very Good. Show genuine interest in listening to others, your body language will automatically improve. Don't be too concious about your body language, you may fail in your communication skills.

amaka chi-okonkwo
07 Jan 2008, 02:54

Wao! you really made my day with this wonderful article.thank you very very much.

susan
27 Jan 2008, 21:20

thanks a lot for that wonderful tips. i really learned a lot and i promised to apply them in my daily conversations. more tips are highly appreciated. once again thank you and more power.

odoom
30 Jan 2008, 12:31

thanks for these excellent mouth piece i truly love it please try and give me some more.they are very informative.

shahenda
05 Feb 2008, 06:44

it was really very usefull advices but for me I think I need more and I need to know how can I evaluate my level of the self-confidence. I always feel that I have a problem to face a new person like for example when i make an interview, I feel chy and embarrassing. I need a help in this issue.

israel o amos
07 Feb 2008, 07:59

you trill me with these more grease to your elbow

dinesh
13 Mar 2008, 00:26

Its good to know all this, i have attended some practical classes of such sort.it really works, friends try once you will see the difference.

peter lesh
13 Mar 2008, 02:07

wow! i have never thought i can ever get such useful information on this earth like this one! please continue to send even more of this building information.God bless you and thanks once again

Commenting has been disabled due to spam from automated programs. However, commenting on my blog is still enabled. Sorry for any inconvenience. There is some good news though. In July 2008, Earthling Communication will be transformed into an entirely new site where you will be able to talk with others about communication and personal development until your heart's content! That is only the shell of what you will get for free inside this new site. Subscribe to Earthling Newsletter for more information coming soon. - Joshua Uebergang (15 March 2008)

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